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Clipped Wings of Innocence

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The wings on which innocence flew
virtuous and pristine
clipped and maimed
to the point of grotesque vestige
courtesy of sin



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megcmusicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 10:57 pm:
This is in response to one of your forums... Anyway I already posted my thoughts! :)
 
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asofnowThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
yesterday at 7:44 pm:
The poem was beautiful. But I would like it a lot more if you elaborated on the poem instead of just coming out and saying "sin".
I feel like more imagery would be necessary given the topic of the poem.
 
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BandGeekAndProudThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
yesterday at 7:02 pm:
Okay, so this whole poem is very simplistic and fragmented, and I know that that's a style thing, but I woul have added words like "innocence once flew" and "now clipped and maimed." I got it, but it was a bit unclear, and I had to pause, pulling me out of the mindset of the poem. Also, just a personal preference thing, I don't like telling people what my poems symbolize in the author's note. I feel like it defeats the purpose of looking dee... (more »)
 
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writing.is.my.life.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 3 at 8:14 pm:
This is really short, but somehow beautifully gets the point across in a striking way.  Keep up the good work!! If you could check out my poem "The Self-Proclaimed Architect" that would be awesome!
 
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carolineklepper said...
Dec. 21, 2013 at 7:21 am:
You are an awesome writer. I love this. Short but with so much significance.
 
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jennag4 said...
Dec. 12, 2013 at 8:44 pm:
reaaly really good and short to so it gets the message acfross really easily  
 
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Megan L. said...
Dec. 12, 2013 at 12:41 am:
Hey I really love this!  You did and amazing job, especially with your diction. Crazy good!
 
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megcmusicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:00 pm:
Great poem. It's a little dark, but so are mine. I love the way it invokes the image of wings. That image is so powerful in poetry, because in our life we go through many sets of wings. Love it!
 
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BrandalynBoothThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 2, 2013 at 7:03 pm:
Wow. I dont know why this isn;t published or editor chosen. This is really good. Love the message, we don't truly grow up until our innocense is washed away. It's not the word choice and construction per se that make this a great poem but also the structure and tiny details. *High five* 
 
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