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Swat my Memories; Not me

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If I come and cower and your doorstep
Do not hesitate to let me in
I have come to you for protection
From a torturous background of sin

The thunderous calls; they surround me
Pushing me way off my course
The bellowing cries; they remind me
That my mistakes and I can’t divorce

My ears have not heard but a sentence
My feet have not walked but a mile
But my eyes, oh they built the pacific
Yet I walk on; in fear; in denial




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MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 5:37 pm:
One minor thing first: Any time, you want to use punctuation, my advice, use punctuation throughout the enitre poem; if not, don't use it at all. It can be hard to read at times. Nonetheless, I enjoy the feeling of distress and anxiety you create. I can feel them like a heavy, slate cloud hanging overhead, waiting to spill its contents over me. Nicely done. 
 
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CalliashiThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 18 at 7:31 pm:
I enjoyed this. There was a typo in the first line as it should be "at" rather than "and". The poem was a nice read, short and sweet; it got the point across. Might I suggest using some figurative language likesimiles or alliterations or the like? It helps the poem flow and gives the reader a more Iimaginative image. Just a thought. I still really enjoyed reading this :)
 
Kris_10This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 29 at 1:52 pm :
thanks!   
 
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