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Inner Battle

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I used to keep it together,
holding onto the part of me that was sane.
An iron grip,
a perfect façade,
I had an impenetrable fortress.
No one could reach the walls of sanity
I had built.
I walk a path alone, forever forced
To guard my fortress.
But then a situation occurred.

An opposing force approached
At the only moment I ever let my guard down.
What it was? I don’t know.
What it did? It pains me to discuss.
I had a flawless plan, flawless
Protection.
I was impenetrable!
I, however, did not expect this surprise.

A blow to the head, a wall was down.
Another blow;
Another wall down.
I’m losing my grip.
I grit my teeth against the darkness growing.
Another wall gone.
A darkness emerges.
My sanity shrinks as the beast rises.
It steps out of my fortress and walks.
I feel myself weaken.
The black beast glides over the ruins.
Regaining breath and balance, I walk.
The beast looms over, shadowing me,
And I feel a chill.
I manage to muster a glare at it,
And the beast stares blankly back.
It moves on.
I stumble by.
The beast brushes the foliage near my fortress,
And I hold my hands to my head in pain.
It soon moves out of view.
I enter the ruins dejected, pained, and depressed.
Sitting in a corner next to a chain, I assume a fetal position,
And wait for the battle to begin.




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This article has 27 comments. Post your own!

tikapeek97 said...
Aug. 28, 2013 at 12:05 pm:
This is really good!! its super discriptive and tells a really intresting story!! Awesome job!
 
LaChouetteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 28, 2013 at 1:42 pm :
Thank You!
 
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Krasota-Butterflies-and-AngelsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:55 pm:
I loved it! My suggestions are to use something other than impenetrable fortress as it is slightly cliche, to watch for your changes in verb tense (it's like a story, unless you're having a flashback and then you resume the present, you don't want to necessarily change tense), and to also make sure you don't turn this into a fiction work. Your short action lines are amazing for fiction, but for poetry you want to use more literary strategies (e.g. metaphors, similes, etc.). When ... (more »)
 
LaChouetteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:07 pm :
Okay and thanks for the feedback!
 
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Iyanna D. said...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 12:32 pm:
This poem was great, and very descriptive. I could really connect the sort of metaphor and get a more literal meaning of breaking down.
 
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JRayeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 24, 2013 at 4:04 pm:
Wow, this is great! :) So intense, so discriptive. Loved it, great job 
 
LaChouetteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 24, 2013 at 4:27 pm :
Thank you! 
 
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