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Through the Years..

Why is it?
That you see the need to make me feel so small?
To take who I am and make it lesser than it is
I am great
Am I?
Are you?
In life this is not a question
It's a matter of fact
However senseless
My mind is better than you
My heart beats faster than you
My eyes see more than you
Yet you tear me down
Again and again
One look and all is over
Remember the excitement
When I first saw your name
In response to what was indirectly of you anyway
I saw it and a smile spread o're my face
One which remained for the duration of such
Your name sends wretches through my stomach
Your face sends me into a trance
Your eyes seeing but unseeing me
Tearing me down again without a single word
And the saddest part is
That you don't even know it
You have no clue exactly what you do to me
Not at all
For I am nothing to you
Literally
I am but a speck of existence in your eyes
One which could vanish at any moment and mean not a thing
They say to the world you can mean nothing
But to one person you can mean the world
Well in extremes you and I sit
You and I
What a silly concept for me to even imagine
In the slightest smallest bit
Why should my happiness ever be fulfilled?
I don't think it ever truly has so don't feel bad
Truly unsatisfying nothing more
I'm just one of those people
Or maybe the only one
Where nothing works
Where my being is what keeps me from enjoying anything
For in everything a sadness grows
In all that I do I feel it
Growing deceiving wretching existing
It always has been
And sadly always will be
You know I realized something recently
I've figured out that I don't believe in love
For ti doesn't pertain to me and sadly never will
How can I love a soul when I can't even love myself?
How can a soul love me if I am who I am?
People might think such
But I will push them away
Standards are an awful thing honestly
I try not to have what I don't deserve
Beggars are not choosers
Well I will neither beg nor choose then
For I already know
What I want in un-attainable
Something you want more than all
But know you can never grasp it
Sitting in a room with food ever dangling above you
Yet is sits there out of your reach
Constantly and always and all you can do is sit there and look at it
Stare at it until you are nothing
But fool you were nothing long before that



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