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Wrath, and: The Rabbit

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I was sitting
in my own backyard
on a blue popscicle,
as I waited for the pool water
to evaporate in the sun.

It was a hot, breezy
day, in my ninth
summer ever. My dog
was running across
the yard, chasing
rabbits that she would never catch.

I really thought they were safe.

if I wasn’t occupied
with the clear blue liquid
which I didn’t want to drip on my bare feet
I would have seen
the rabbit
stop running
and hide in the bushes
right in plain sight.

When I got there
came down in a slow dribble
with the contour of his fur.
He kicked
the air, once

Tears burst forward
making room for my jumbled thoughts.

It looked

It was

In a confused, unhappy moment, I
brought my bare left foot
onto his trembling body.

But to me, that isn’t the scary part.

In that moment, when I had expected to feel
sadness, distress, remorse,
when a normal person would feel
sadness, distress, remorse,
I felt… powerful.

The other feelings were present, but this feeling
a new feeling
overrode all of them. I was… energized.

The tears stopped. A perverse, yet powerful
filled me, and with it
the expected guilt.

And so
that moment haunted me
and the monster inside me
for nearly twenty years.

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