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Betrayal

You made the metal for me
With your silver tongued skills
And attached a handle for me
So I could always go for the kill
With confidence and assurance
So I would always know,
That this is what it always came down to
Veins and bones,
And dead silence.
You turned my hope into ashes
When you held it too close to the fire
You left it there so long
And hid the charring from me
Always showed me warmth
While slowly burning and destroying me
From the outside in
You held my heart in your hands
Said it would be safer with a man
While you drained it away
You held it in your hands and squeezed
You squeezed the life out of me
But gave me presents to fill the dark void
Here honey, have this necklace
So you know how much I love you
And when you screw up
Prepare yourself,
For it also works as a noose
Your opinions are dead and gone
But you can play with this knife
As you have had for all of your life
Just let me pretend not to notice
While you die from the inside out
Here, let me hold you
Let me hold you while you are broken
And let me tell you I love you
Force me to mirror it back
Because if I don’t
I will get attacked
Attacked through guilt trips and insults
Or worst of all, Comparisons
You and your, “well she does it why cant you?”
Why cant I?
Why cant I just ever be enough for you?
Why cant I just mold myself more for you?

I don’t know maybe I was born with a backbone
A backbone you tried to remove
So I would have yet another instrument
To saw myself away with
You told me all about love
While suffocating me with betrayal
You stabbed me in the back so many times
Its amazing
Amazing that I am not a paraplegic
Can you believe it?
The line between love and abuse
Was a tight rope you became a master at walking
Never once did you shake too far to the side of love
No, every time you fell
You made sure you landed hard on me
“Why can’t you ever catch me when I am falling?”
You scream
Screaming.
Screaming and Yelling.
Scream, yell, I love you, I hate you, can’t you be better? You're perfect I promise, I promise, and I promise.
Slap, Kiss, Hug, insult, compliment, I love you, I take it all back I hate you, stop rewind, replay,
Now fast forward.
“Why are you leaving after all we have been through?”
You plead and plead, but I’m done
All I am is a shell
Who you filled with all of these stories about love,
But snatched away every time I acted out of line
It’s not my fault you could so easily blur your love/abuse tight ropewalker routine
But your contradictions just aren’t for me.




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