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let the darkness surround you

Lost and Insecure on this gravel road
taking every step with a burdened load
too much stress in my mind to think
Let every moment pass without a blink
blow out a candle, let the darkness close in.


only 3 words, that can ruin it all
ones that break hearts, cause us to fall
if only we would see it coming before it puts us to shame
only 3 words, that is all it takes.

Smiling and Sure on this battlefield
drawing out weapons in battle mode
too little hope in my mind to fly
let the baby go to sleep without a lullaby
turn out the lights, let the dark surround you.

only 3 words, that can ruin it all
ones that break hearts, cause us to fall
if only we would see it coming before it puts us to shame
only 3 words, that is all it takes.



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VavapoetryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 25, 2013 at 7:06 pm
Loved this, it really reaches out.
 
tori-gurlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 7, 2013 at 5:00 pm
I like how relatable this poem is and I value the repetition of "let the darkness in". I feel like this is very well written and I enjoyed how much it flowed throughout. The rhythm you assert throughout makes it even easier to read and enjoy :)
 
Quartermaster This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 7, 2013 at 1:09 am
The first stanza is legit. Keeping a rythm all the way until "let the darkness close in", really captures how the speaker wants the darkness to just collapse in without thought.  However you lose the rhythm, and I think the rhythm have been worth maintaining. The third stanza needs a little bit of work, too many contradictions "smiling and sure," yet "too little hope". However you're metaphor of a battlefield (although a little cliche'd) is very fitting... (more »)
 
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