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worth the pain (among the things i'm not)

i owe you
twenty seven dollars
and a sweater
with your sister’s college
printed across the front

i think it was a gift
and i’m sorry
that it’s still
hanging in my closet
worn when missing you
threatens to drown me

i owe you
a goodbye
because the last you saw of me
i was boarding a plane
and dumping your number

i think you’ve tried to call me
a time
or two
or fifty seven
but i’ve never picked up

i think you might
wonder why
because
that’s always what you were—
a wonderer

so here it is
my confession
signed sealed and delivered
read it and weep
(but don’t weep— really, don’t)

i can’t think about you
without thinking about
everything you said
and everything you saw
and how i couldn’t keep a promise

you remind me
of my failures
of my wrongdoings
of the sins i’ve committed
and the words i’ve said

and i don’t know
what i remind you of
but i’m damn sure
that i’m not
worth the pain



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