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i suck at friendship (or; i'm learning to be okay)

to my friends
old and new
good and bad
broken and whole

i’m sorry i’m so bad at this
and i’m sorry i don’t answer
when you want to talk

i’ve spent a lot of time
in hell
and i’m never quite sure
if i’m about to be dragged back

so i run fast and hard
in the opposite direction
at the first sign
that someone might care enough
to cry at my funeral

i say things
that i don’t mean
and i can’t figure out
how to fix that

my mouth works faster
than my mind can manage
and most of the time
my heart is in control of it

and my heart doesn’t
think before it speaks
maybe i ought to
learn how to make it




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