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i don't believe in counting stars

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i.

i don’t believe in counting stars
—the fickleness!—
—the futility!—
—the betrayal!—
i believe in counting
the empty holes the stars leave
all too often for me to forget:
it helps as the years pass by

ii.

i don’t believe in counting
on anyone:
—the fickleness!—
—the futility!—
—the betrayal!—
i do believe in counting on
the likelihood of disappointment:
it helps as the years pass by




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WriteOrWrongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 26 at 11:55 pm:
OH MY GOSH! The second I read 'counting the empty holes the stars leave' I made a mental note to ask you if you had ever read "Preface to a Twent Volume Suicide Note!" THAT'S MY FAVORITE POEM! That is so superlative, cool, marvelous, amazing that it was your inspiration. As you can see I am going to be a little biased in my feedback- I adore this, obviously. I love how it's broken it two. I love the repeated three words. I love how relatable it is in the way it avoids expectations. I love how co... (more »)
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 1 at 6:39 pm :
Wow! Thank you for all the love and appreciation. And yes, that wonderful poem did inspire me to write this. Merci, WriteorWrong! (And how do you think I should word those lines out? Someone else pointed it out too; but I'm not sure how should I do it.) 
 
WriteOrWrongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 11:03 am :
I think strength can be gained by a beautifully sad line. Make the narrator explain his reason for it being better to not have expectations while simultaneously showing the readers that in effort to avoid potential betrayal or disappointment you end up being unhappy anyway. Break their hearts with naive self-'protection.' Hope that helps.
 
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KrasotaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 10 at 2:44 pm:
I'm sorry that it took betrayal to write this poem, but it was AMAZING! :D Great job!  
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 11 at 3:10 pm :
Thanks, Krasota. Sometimes pain creates the best in you. Though I wouldn't say this is my best work. Thanks.
 
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Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 30 at 9:53 pm:
Awwwww Mckay, don't feel down or depressed, this is amazing!! Also, we all have those moments when that one special friend betrays you, trust me I have definitely been there. I like that you put in some punctuation and the fickleness part. Very creative. A little somber. Great work, keep rockin
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 31 at 1:59 pm :
It is a somber poem. I was feeling disappointed in lots of people. But fortunately, all is well now. Thank you, Liv, for the concern and the feedback. I'll keep rocking no matter what. At least I hope so.
 
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MyApocalypticThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 30 at 3:40 pm:
Egads! This is fabulous! I am beside myself with fabulousness!
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 31 at 1:57 pm :
Thank you, MyApocalytic. I had a feeling you might like it. With the stars and hopelessness. Thanks. 
 
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bree_breeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 30 at 10:49 am:
I hope that constructive critisism is cool i really like this peice but as soon as i read it i had so many ideas on what would make it more effective and jaring to the soul just little things that that i felt would deeper engrave the emotions i felt hiding behind the words. i really dont mean to offend it is a really good peice the way it is honestly, if you wouldnt have a problem with it i would really like to work on this peice with you :) i can totally relate plus i love stars :)
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 31 at 1:55 pm :
I love constructive criticism and appreciate whole-heartedly. I mean it. If you wanna discuss this piece more, by all means, do so. I'd appreciate it like I said. Anything to make it better. Thank you.
 
bree_breeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 2 at 12:18 pm :
Okay then ill be glad to help. feel free to return the favor with anything of mine that you have read some have been changed a little since i sent them in. okay in the first stanza you say empty holes, i thought that mabye a better word could be used to amp up the feeling like desolate holes or abandoned or mabye something like solitary, i feel like it would create a more emotional attachment to the reader with descriptive words. also the " all to often for me to forget" coul... (more »)
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 4 at 2:13 pm :
You haven't overstepped. I appreciate the enthusiam you show for this poem. It means a lot to me. To see someone take time to try to better this poem. Not a lot of people will do that. But I appreciate that you do. I will keep on working on this poem with all the suggestions you've given me. Let's hope for the best. THANKS. 
 
bree_breeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 5 at 1:08 pm :
Glad to help :) to help someone els improve in their poetry is an honor that im glad to have in helping you.
 
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