I try to fight away my feelings
But they always wander on back
They fill me up with void
A desolate soul, a lover I lack

My memory is not dull
The most painful memories are the worst
And the hardest to forget
My heart will burst

I learn from my memories
But some things are new
Those times make me question life
I don't understand you

You're so different and calm
I never knew you were so great
Until I saw your eyes glow with mine
I felt finally freed from fate

But your words say one thing
Your actions say another
My heart says I love you
My head says, only as a brother

The way your smile makes me feel
It's more intense than the crash of thunder
Yet soft and vulnerable like a feather
That tickles my face, forcing laughter

You know how I feel
You don't feel the same
You hugged me today
I'm done playing your game

It's not fun to fight emotions
But I do it because it's right
That's the way it should* be . . .
Respect boundaries, and wallow in my suppressed love

I do that every day
For you. . . for me
For if there ever is an us
That's what I need to see

I waste too much time
Chasing an impossibility of love
Like catching smoke with my bare hands
Only possible with power from above

Yet I still try,
Because chasing after a one-in-a-million chance
Feels a million and one times better
Than being content with eternal independence