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The Vows

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It's all a process. Just another step down that windy path
A yellow brick road of uncertainty; traveled we have

I am sorry, my dear, if I have failed at times. When I slipped on a gnarled root or stone.
I know I have hurt many a heart or near broken a bone

Forgive my harsh words that raged like wild-fires through this forest of sin
I thank your salty tears for quenching my fiery din

With every word we whisper, a breeze to blow the sun away
And soft petals of the daffodils and marigolds turn hopeful towards the sway

My love I am still a beginner, my memories fresh and new
But if you let me hold the key, some good will come of you

So take my hand and walk me through this changing motion picture
I would love to be part of this movie magic and perhaps hold the clicker?

So when the bridge ends and the town comes into view
I get down on one knee and hold out my hand, will you say "I do"?



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GraphicWriter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 15, 2013 at 1:02 pm
Beautiful words. And such magic when they rhyme. It's like a proposal that someone deeply romantic would say. I love it. Simple but complex in a defining way. Splendid.
 
Court901 said...
May 22, 2013 at 2:08 pm
I really like this. I don't think the sin/din rhyme flowed very well and the first stanza was a little hard to read because of the ending. But other than that, good job.
 
SaphiraBrightscalesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 4, 2013 at 2:13 pm
Hmph...It just came to you... Well seems like some awesome stuff JUST comes to you now and then... :)) Well this one truly deserves detailed feedback and I'm so sorry , please forgive me for breaking it down but I feel like I have to tell you what I think of every single line, I just love reading this and also loved your transitions from talk of nature to tech words and overall it all just gave me the good kind of goosebumps.. This was wow! Okay first stanza: the word process defines the res... (more »)
 
wordnerd54 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:53 pm
This is such a sweet poem! It really captures the idea that he isn't perfect, but he's trying be perfect for her, in a sense - through the "process."  The only thing that I kind of (figuratively) stumbled over was the inverted syntax in the first stanza.  It just caught me off guard a little, I guess.  Other than that, though, it flows really nicely - well done!  
 
Hanban12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:55 am
Ok, i know I already posted a comment, but reading it again makes me wanna comment all over again! :) love all of the symbolism and imagery tht drags the reader in.... great writer!
 
TheEpic95This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:30 am
I didnt particularly like the beginning, the reverse syntax on its last line was just really odd. Perhaps it's just me, but I dont understand what the metaphore in stanza two is.... breaking your heart, yes, but bone...? What, in a romantic context, would that mean....? The third stanza is pretty good, though the sin/din rhyme was a little forced sounding, the bulk of it was awesome and totally good. I think, perhaps, the line about marigolds and daffodils was a bit overly long, but it did ahve ... (more »)
 
mnm08 said...
Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:10 pm
That was a really good poem. I loved the symbolism that you used and your writing felt so.. down to earth, it was beatiful and it felt real :) Favourite part "My love I am still a beginner, my memories fresh and new But if you let me hold the key, some good will come of you" <3 :) 
 
tuckertwin12 said...
Apr. 17, 2013 at 9:45 pm
I really loved this. It was beautiful and I absolutely adored all of your imagery and metaphors! It was wonderfully written! Keep it up!
 
AugustSummerFlingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 14, 2013 at 10:10 pm
I could totally relate to this! I loved the part where you're assuring that it will be a rocky ride but you'll always be there by her side (or his, if you're a girl). One of the best love poems that I've read :) 5/5
 
laurengerhard This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:30 pm
This is going to be the crappiest constructive comment ever, but I love when the word "dear" and other endearment terms like that are used in poems... so in a sense "you had me at dear" and now I'm biased and like it. Haha, good job... the end.
 
mollybug13 said...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:26 pm
Wow this is really amazing a very touching love story poem. 5/5
 
RebeccaMichele said...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:15 pm
this is beautiful!
 
thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:20 am
I admire your way of writing! the descriptions are beautiful and vivid, they make the poem a very interesting read!! You should be proud of this work, it's one of the few striking ones I've come across.
 
Literature_DarlingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:37 pm
very nice, I love the first two stanzas best!
 
LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:06 pm
Aw! This is sooo sweet! I love the third stanza, that's priceless. And the last one just sums it up so simply and nicely, yet leaves a cliff hanger because after all these lovely words what does the person reply? c': This flows so nicely and the rhymes are great! Once again, wonderful job! You're greaaaat! Xx!
 
HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 4:34 pm
Aw!  beautiful! i love all of the metaphors, allusions, and rhyming. Love this poem! :)
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:17 pm
Ahhhhh! I love the end! 
 
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