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rainy day

sometimes it rains and i can
barely see outside because the windows fog up
i like to watch the droplets
that form
slide down and collect
at the bottom
i like to write my name
in the wetness even though
it will disappear
but I'll know it is there



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SarahGrac3 said...
today at 7:12 pm:
This is great and I love how the subject is so relatable. If you change something I think it would be more interesting if you stuffed more adjectives in there or if you replaced some of the more common words with something a little more interesting. Keep writing you have great ideas!
 
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JettaWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 31 at 10:53 am:
I loved this! I love the simplicity of the poem, and how a little can always say a LOT, like your poem did. I honestly can't critique on anything (it's well-written!), except that maybe you should stuff in a few more metaphors or similes here and there. Great job!!
 
jonpettigrew replied...
Apr. 5 at 12:10 pm :
thank you, you're super encouraging lol
 
JettaWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 5 at 10:59 pm :
No problem! (: What can I say? You're a very talented writer.
 
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