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Impossibilities in the Dark

How can you do this to me?
I can usually suppress it. Usually, I can drown it in my darkening waters of my impossibilities. But tonight. Tonight you hurt me. Tonight when you wrapped your arm around me again and again in your knowledge, your intention that is so innocent as compared to mine. So good you are compared to me. Without the knowledge of my deeper hauntings.
Again and again, my soul soared each time. But I couldn’t let it mean anything to me but a constant bludgering that left me open and bleeding on the floor. And each time was like an icepick taken to my heart, not because it felt good but because I knew that I couldn’t allow it to feel good. To me it was another horrific tale of disappointment, that arm of yours. Even though it felt good. Even though it’s beautiful.
And it gets worse.
In that dark field. Running and running. Again, with your arm on my shoulder. Scorching inevitabilities. Burning through my skull, I cry out. And for what? Now I am running. running away. From you. From myself. Again your arm on my shoulder. and I want to kiss you. The hole in my chest consumes me.
And with that I drown myself in my dark waters. Of my dark impossibilities. Shattered glass in my ears as I cringe away from myself in horror of how I could possibly ever let myself come near you.
See you tomorrow.

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