Monster in Remission

February 1, 2013
By , Albany, NY

Challenged by fury, calmed by affection Why do I feel this way I ask, to which I get the inevitable answer ‘I don’t know’ I'm loved by those who matter But a selfish part of me says it's not enough What more could I want? Caressed by the one destined A fire sparks from within Tears a sign of weakness one which I can't withhold They fall, teardrop by teardrop hardening the core Stopping seems impossible leaving me empty, void to no emotion Chipped edges of perfectness flow along with the hurt, falling to the pitiless pit Consumed by growing rage something I have no control Ready to burst it has no way Trapped and enchained it waits Enclosed in red and black it’s only amusement, to dwell on the hate Stronger and fiercer it gets Cutting deeper and profounder to the striking sterling wrath It has come to a point where it sees only crimson All sign of tranquil vanished and replaced Must I too give in, to the monster waiting to be so openly embraced? Forget to forgive and learn to hate? For you see it lives inside of me A reminder always of something I can choose to be But I refuse to strip of every respectable title The monster pushes and pulls reeling in everything I’ve felt From love, something I vaguely remember To anger, something that overwhelmed me more often than not I have awakened it and I have to face my mistake Wet lashes from tears I walk to face my fears Shuddering in bones which soon won’t be mine if it decapitates my soul Pissed and ready it comes charging An internal battle wearing us both Another tear rolls not from sadness but instead sympathy when I see it dying A burden it was but company nonetheless Who am I without it inside? A lighter feeling now resides in its place The chains gone and cleared, flowers bloom Darkness evaporated and in came the doe Is this what you call love? Giddy and heart skipping? I will never know

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