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Angel In Blood
January 29, 2013
There she lay before me,
So stunning, so still
Her skin so soft, so pure
Covered in blood.
Her blue eyes wide open,
Dried tears ran along her temples,
Her dress as white as snow,
But covered in blood.
Broken chandeliers,
Broken glass
Her giant, dark wings,
Wide open, imprinting
The white marble floor
All in blood.
She fought her Brothers
She fought her Sisters,
That beautiful Angel,
That divine Angel
Ending her Eternal life,
She lay before me,
She was dressed in blood.
Her smooth, golden hair,
Covered her alluring face
There she lay before me,
She died, with her hair dyed
In blood.
And there she lay before me,
The beautiful Angel,
The divine Angel,
The Angel in blood
© Allison F., Langhorne, PA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 22 comments.
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 30 2013 at 3:25 pm
I appreaciate your honesty. But I'd been thinking that the repetition was the only good part in this poem. And I've used 'died' and 'dyed' together on purpose XD But thank you, really.
For an honest review, it was nice; perhaps if you didn't repeat the fact that she was drenched 'in blood' in every stanza . How about "Covered her alluring face
She died, with her hair stained
In blood." but you don't need to make those changes, hoped I helped a little :D
She died, with her hair stained
In blood." but you don't need to make those changes, hoped I helped a little :D
compassion GOLD said...
on Oct. 19 2013 at 12:25 pm
Hauntingly beautiful. Nice details. You think you suck at what ??
City_Of_Angels PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 19 2013 at 12:19 pm
HOLY SH*T!!!!!!! This is actually really good.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 11:25 am
Haunting. Eloquent. Amazing. :D Keep up the great work!
SongBird04 said...
on Jun. 9 2013 at 12:30 am
CookieMonster, This is so good! It's creepy and kind of chilling, but well written. Nice job!! :)
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM said...
on May. 26 2013 at 1:03 am
:O THANK. YOU. SO. MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on May. 25 2013 at 12:12 pm
This poem is fantastic!! You have magnificent writing skills and I am so appreciative that you share them with the world. I admire the way you repeat yourself, "covered in blood, died in blood, dressed in blood, etc." it's very intriguing and paints a clear picture in my mind. You use such terrific imagery through this poem! I have to say, when you noted the way her wings looked and left marks of blood I was mystified. How could one line be so beautiful? I love this poem so much, 5/5 stars from me! Thank you for writing this.
Phoenix. said...
on Apr. 14 2013 at 5:41 am
<3
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 5 2013 at 3:16 am
:O Puh-leez! Yours is way better! You can critisize it if you want to. I mean it.
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 5 2013 at 3:14 am
Yeah :) Thanks for the comment. I'll try harder :)
melxoxo said...
on Feb. 25 2013 at 12:58 pm
i really enjoyed this poem, to make it sound more like poetry try a few more poetic devices this can be really effective but well done
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 17 2013 at 12:50 am
Nahh, I'm sure its not THAT good, but its my first try, so thank you very much :)
Sparkle1pops PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 16 2013 at 1:39 pm
This is very good, the repetioton of blood is wonderful.
