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In Your Eyes

Look me in the eye,
Tell me what you see.
I see myself reflected back
And waiting patiently.
Why won't you answer?
Do you see nothing there?
Your gaze averted, you mutter and
Ignore my wounded glare.
How am I supposed to find
A place where I belong?
All my hopes are wrapped up here,
But choked not after long.




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This article has 6 comments. Post your own!

thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 9 at 6:51 am:
i like it, because the theme is simple and well conveyed, but I really don't understand the last line. the beginning was well done, and overall it's very relatable. 3.5/5!
 
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 9 at 10:47 am :
He crushes or "chokes" her dreams.... she put all her faith in him but he doesn't care about her.
 
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SakuyaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 5 at 8:44 am:
This is really short which I do like but with something so short your word choice needs to be very objective. Like waiting and patiently are one and the same in this kind of poem so find something that gives power to one of the words as a supportive word (such as hopelessly patient)
 
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 5 at 10:31 am :
Thanks, good advice:)
 
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jetta.ckThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 2 at 2:33 pm:
I really liked this! It's super duper deep. (: The only part that's a bit hard to follow is the middle, where the rhythm is twisted a little bit. That can be easily tweaked, however. Great job, otherwise!
 
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 2 at 3:34 pm :
Thanks for the criticism, I'll definitely work on it!
 
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