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My breath stops
My heart begins to race
My eyes glow bright
When I see your face

My feet grow heavy
I suddenly feel weak
My body can longer move
My mouth won't open to speak

I am in a daze
I can't make a step
Caught in your enchanting haze
I have became your marionette




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RayynbowThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 10:54 pm:
The rhyme scheme of this poem really fits in well and I like the ending. Marionette is a nice word. 
 
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StarlitSunriseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 15 at 3:05 pm:
This is very sweet. :)
 
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MissExplorationThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5 at 6:49 pm:
The last line of this poem tied everything together for me, and it's strong. Great poem once again!
 
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WriteOrWrongThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5 at 1:18 pm:
I really liked this! The rhyming was completely unforced. Nice flow. I assume you meant 'no longer' in the second stanza. The only thing I can suggest is to maybe start the lines with a variety of words instead of just my and I. Fantastic! I love the imagery. I know the forums don't tell you when another comment is added so I just wanted to ask again if you could pick a few pieces of your work for me to comment on because I can't do them all. Great job! 
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 5 at 4:55 pm :
I Want You, Fooling Mask, Unspoken, Changed
 
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MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 9 at 4:37 pm:
Reminds me when Keats says there is nothing like a beautiful thing that can enchant heart. Wonderful work.
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 10 at 2:42 pm :
I love that you understand works outside modern books that are about vamps and wolves! Thank You for you appreciation.
 
MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 11 at 3:53 pm :
Classics will always be the best. That's why they're classics.
 
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ILuvBritishBoysThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 6 at 9:47 am:
Most poems that ryhme in my mind seem silly, but you makes yours sound more mature and fit together. I like how you said, "Caught in your enchanting haze, I have become your marionette," I can really relate to that one specific lIne of the poem. Very well organized. Keep writing!!
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 7 at 3:03 pm :
I will. I always strive to create poems that aren't the corny and completely cliche'. I like to be mature to some degree when it comes to my writing. Thank you.
 
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TheCapturedBatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 6 at 6:27 pm:
This is a unique and alluring way of describing love. The imagery is perfect.
 
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flanny said...
Feb. 5 at 6:17 pm:
I agree with PaigeStreet, the last line is very powerful. I also loved the rhyme scheme. Well done!
 
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PaigeStreet This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 4 at 12:09 am:
"I have become your marionette" is my favorite line here. I know that feeling.
 
OldYoungOneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 4 at 2:41 pm :
Mine too. i thought of this a long time ago when I was so hooked on the looks of a certain person.
 
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Inoui_Fou-cM said...
Dec. 14, 2012 at 10:30 pm:
i really liked this poem alot. Its a common topic "love"< but you made your poem stand out. keep it up(=
 
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