runs through my veins.

Poisoning every corner of my body,
Touching my heart that was once purified and overrun with unconditional love
As I cripple-
My aching shoulders tremble,

I walk through many narrow paths hoping to find help
I place where I can rest peacefully
Instead all I find are miffed faces and judgmental glances.

No one talks to me.
They’ve all taken the time to judge every part of me and so they know.
Perhaps they know a little too much-
about how vulnerable I am.
They’ve labeled me as different and insecure.

I hear that graceful voice on the inside.


Giving me hope, faith, and strength to continue on my journey
A journey that has only just begun, but has already exhausted my weary body
They say each day brings new hope and that with the years one grows wise.

But I’ve lost all my hope.
Ever drop of it was been squeezed and twisted out of me.
I stop for a moment longing to regain strength

But that moment of calmness only gives way to a stampede of





overwhelming thoughts.

Thoughts of negativity that destroy what’s left of my already weak decaying soul
They
and claw at me
I can’t stand to remember my past...
It brings nothing good to me.

All it does is uncover all the pain and sorrow I once felt.
Pain of knowing that the ones you love the most will end up being the ones that tear you to shreds and beat you senselessly until you become useless to them.

U - S- E – L – E – S - S.....



useless...
That sounds about right

The word that’s been used to describe me so many times
Over and over again
Reminding me of how incompetent I am.
It seems to fit just perfectly now

The beatings


The yelling



Replay constantly through my mind

I feel the hot uncontrollable tears rolling down my thinned cheeks
I know I can no longer continue this way,
There’s no point in living such a horrid life
But how can I forgive?
How can I tell myself that everything’s going to be okay, when the world

tells me different?
It’s me against them.
The way it’s always been
The way it’s always going to be.
Remembering everything only causes the wound to reopen and deepen
The scar will always be there to remind me of the injury
I ask myself a frightful amount of questions

But still the silence brings me no response...
The very air I breathe seems to suffocate me.


Hypocrites.... that word resounds through my head as I think of all the people I’ve once called friend
Friend?
I have none.
I never did.

I never will

With time I have learned that every person is a threat.
Even myself
Can I trust my body, when all it does is bring me sin?
When it pushes me farther and farther from glory and traps me inside a place that no one will ever escape

My heart bellows at me and for a second I comprehend that it speaks the truth.

All this time all I’ve wanted is acceptance
From people that have degraded and imprisoned me in there own deceiving games.
Not caring if part of me dies with each day that goes by...
But through all the trials I’ve learned to see and I am no longer blinded by their artificial personalities.

I myself have been molded and sculptured into who I am through the pain and trials that they have brought to me.
I no longer have my own personality,
my own uniqueness
All those things that once made me who I was,
Who I was meant to be is gone,
And I’ve became the person they want me to be.
Another clone of this desperate world

I realize my stupidity now,


As
The weight seems to lighten a bit

I’ve started to realize now that my whole life has just been a lie…
Another plan to conquer
Instead of giving others part of the gifts that we give to me.
I kept them all in pride.

I see know where my ego has brought me.
To a path filled with
.
That same
that now demolishes my soul and refuses to leave me….