Everyday, surrounded by people, but always alone. It gets old. This feeling. Happiness just doesn't exist as much anymore. In fact, very rarely. Yeah, I smile, I laugh. But, you got to show you are strong. Stronger then what you are. Acting. It's what I seem best at. You get good at it when you have to for so long. Pretending is regular for me. For my family, for my friends, for him. It's all pretend. It used to be real, my smile, laugh and happiness. In fact, pretending sounded preposterous. Then, he happened. Made me hate myself. Made me want to puke at the sight of my own face. He ruined me. Everything I had was gone, because she was prettier. I heard I've changed after that night. Guess that was good. I didn't give in as easy. But, I loved him with all my beings. He is perfect. Completely flawless. But, I guess I didn't make his cut because she was just so much prettier and better at whatever she did. So now, I try harder. Food got overrated, make-up became more and more piled on. I try and I try to get someone to make me feel worth it. For someone to tell me I'm beautiful and actually mean it. He broke me. I try being happy, I try to feel not so alone. But, I guess in life all we have is ourselves. Surrounded by everyone and everything but still alone. Always alone. He did this. He is perfect..
I guess it's just a little thought.
August 13, 2012