Relative Perspectivers

June 10, 2012
By Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus


The eagle spreads its wings to soar up high,
ascending to the heavens. Feathers drop
from giant wings, soon hidden by the blazing sun.
We look at this and squint our eyes, complaining.
We miss the beauty of the sun, intent
to find the brilliance of an eagle. Men
are stupid, in that way—to look for something
Less, and curse the Great outshining it.


The author's comments:
This is written in (more or less) iambic pentameter. It started as an exercise, but I got drawn in.

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This article has 6 comments.


on Feb. 14 2013 at 6:14 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 211 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

Hey, If you still there on teenink, can you look at some of my poems now?

on Dec. 15 2012 at 3:53 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 211 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

i really liked the way you phrased he first four lines (...of an eagle) and agree with your last two as well, though you could have, i feel, framed them less bluntly. but a great message.

on Aug. 25 2012 at 3:58 pm
theSe7enthSin BRONZE, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments
Interesting idea containing a decent amount of truth.  good job

Eirias SILVER said...
on Aug. 1 2012 at 5:27 pm
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

Thanks! "As it ascends to the heavens" isn't in iambic pentameter. Does it really matter whether it's the wings or feathers hidden?

on Aug. 1 2012 at 2:25 pm
Pika_Princess, Escondido, California
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Terrific! I really liked your imagery and descriptions! They were very vivid and your message at the end is very true!

And for the actual criticism part:

1. The beginning of the second line seems a bit awkward in context. Perhaps change it to "As it ascends to the heavens"?

2. In the third line, what is hidden by the sun? The feathers or the wings? Make that a bit clear.

3. The fifth and sixth lines were a bit confusing and awkward. More specifically, the sixth line. 

I really liked this. It was short, clear, and to the point. Very well-written!


Eirias SILVER said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 5:22 am
Eirias SILVER, Spring, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you wish to be a writer, write" -Epictetus

I really detest TeenInk's formatting. Let's see if this is any better:

 

The eagle spreads its wings to soar up high,

Ascending to the heavens. Feathers drop

From giant wings, soon hidden by the blazing sun.

We look at this and squint our eyes, complaining.

We miss the beauty of the sun, intent

To find the brilliance of an eagle. Men

Are stupid, in that way--to look for something 

Less, and curse the Great outshining it.



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