Aloof

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Down the dark hole
There is a sight
A white kite
That has blown
Through winds
And sailed seas
That’s dreamed the dreams
Of heightened heaves
Shuddered in frost
Burned in heat
Orange leaves fall off the tress
Onto my hair
Highlights breezed
The swing it swings
As they grow weed
The moon returns
It has been through hell
You have cast a spell
My world trembles
Parallelisms curse
The shining gun
Has yet to shoot
Be careful
Too aloof
Not here
Parallelism is everywhere
I clench my fist with all my might
All I can do
Focus, stare
Ground myself
In roots and dirt
Feel my toes
Wet grease
Red nails
Tease
The chair is brown
The couch is blue
All I can do is think of you
Intensity is rare
Quite a scare
I can handle
Take -share?
Parallelism is care
Your doings
Like a tree
Affecting me
Not you. Just me
Don’t you see?
The voice it’s shrill
The buzz
It rings through streets
Hums through Villas
May seem far
But oh so close
Can’t you hear?
An overdose
It never heeds
Just push and shove
Through the crowds
Through gooey mud
Candles drip
Wax shrinks
Control is lost
Bursts the seed
Inside out
Leaving me
Brain commands
Desire stands





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This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

HaileyS This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:18 am

I’ve been putting this off for far too long now. I guess it’s because I’m being too unrealistic. That’s probably why. I want to say something special, or at least original, and now I’m sounding weird. It’s 10:16PM. It may not say that when I post this because I’m on the west coast and Teen Ink’s times are all askew for me. But what was I saying? Right. Unrealistic me. I guess I’m sort of bad at responding to poetry because I hardly ... (more »)

 
ryry116 said...
Jun. 15, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Hey! I really like your word choices! You should definitely keep up the work, I have some fellow authors of mine that are in books im in, I'll see if I can bring this up to them, thanks.
 
Basya44 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:37 pm
That would be awesome. Thanks:)
 
Joshua. said...
Jun. 15, 2012 at 1:06 pm
I really like your word-play in your work. You write great!
 
dancing.in.the.rain4ever said...
Jun. 10, 2012 at 11:32 am
You picked the perfect words and I love your metaphors that you used! You have a style of writing that I really like! Great Job!:)
 
subliminal96 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Beautiful word choice- masterful use of rhyme and assonance. I love the mood the poem communicates (aloof)! Wonderful imagery as well- gooey mud. I'm having TeenInk email me when you post new pieces :).
 
Basya44 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm
I think it creates mystery and surprise when the reader has to seperate the mood by themselves, but thank you for the advice guys:)
 
realbeautifulheart said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Good imagery, but I have to admit, I got lost a few times because you didn't separate stanzas and I wasn't sure if you were on the same subject or if you had moved on. Altogether, very well written. I can tell you are pretty confident by the way you write. Keep it up! :)
 
MadelynHope said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 5:12 pm
WELL WRITTEN. THE IMAGERY IS VERY NICE. A SUGGESTION WOULD BE TO SEPERATE STANZAS, AS THERE ARE A LOT OF MOOD CHANGES IN THE POEM ITSELF. BUT VERY GOOD.
 
lshem said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I love your Imagery

 

 
Kestrel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I like both of your poems, Basya, but it is a little hard to follow them both because they are long, for one, but also because they describe so much in so few words that it's dificult to get a grip on the subject. I still really like them both, though, keep writing, and submit more!
 
Basya44 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Thanks. I like to use few words because it's more metaphorical that way:)
 
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