I'm sorry if you think I am just DOOM to fail in life....just because I'm actually happy for once. I'm sorry if I come home alive and not dead. I'm sorry that I worked SO hard to make you proud and ALL you can ever seen is what more I could do or be. I'm sorry that everyone else can be so amazed and proud of me and you can't see it. I'm sorry I couldn't be your vision of perfect. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough. And not to be rude or harsh but our world today is not like what it used to be. You have done so much for me....so let me do something for me. Trust me. Stop making me feel so bad for being happy and living for me. Stop making it seem like its my fault that everything is falling apart. God is with me....whether you choose to take me out of your life or not. I am graduating tomorrow night with high honors. I have inspired many of people. I have saved many lives...despite all that I've had to deal with on my own because I didn't want you to worry about anything. You can't see it and you might never get it but you were always the most important person in my life so it is heart-breaking for you to be the last one on my side. I want to stop feeling so bad for laughing and smiling. I want to feel loved and never stop feeling loved. I want to be able to have you apart of my life....I want you to be happy with me. I want to stop crying my eyes out every time I come home. I want to actually say that I have a home....and not just a place to sleep, shower and store my stuff. I don't know what to do but it hurts every single day. All I'm asking from God is to keep me strong....to keep you strong....and carry us through this. My heart cannot take the pain any longer. I will try to be happy tomorrow because it is a big day. And it is only beginning. Please be happy for me. And let that be enough this time. Please just pretend that for once....I'm enough. I did what I was suppose to do and you're proud of it all. I still love you no matter what. Even if it hurts inside.
May 23, 2012