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An Apology

By , Central, SC
Part 1:
I saw you one day,
Different, unknown to me,
Yet strangely familiar,
Just one glance, nothing more.
I cried that day,
Tears, wet and hot,
A peak of interest,
Soon faded into dust,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I met you one day,
Colored pencils and chores,
Closer and closer to me,
Stranger and stranger.
I would soon know,
That something would change,
Maybe too soon,
Maybe too late,
All the wrong things,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I heard you one day,
Foreign poetry, how queer,
Willing to listen until the last breath,
Until winter ended,
And spring came again.
That was the day,
Something changed,
No longer sane,
No way to go back,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I felt you one day,
Hands, warm and feverish,
Colliding with mine,
Fuel for my imagination.
I knew that day,
Something had to be done,
Sorrow and darkness,
Waited on this path,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

Part 2:
I saw you again one day,
Again and again,
A rush of blood,
Day after day,
With an old German lady,
And poems to recite.
Not a combination,
For instant romance,
But enough for me,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I fell in love one day,
With what I thought was real,
Only my imagination,
Soft and surreal.
Nothing to do,
But fall to insanity,
Each day, I knew,
There was no way to go back,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I lost to you one day,
Sadness and joy,
A mixture so toxic,
I could hardly breathe.
An unfortunate experience,
Another failure in a long list,
Memories of expressionless critics,
And your smile through a glass pane,
Haunted my dreams,
After a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I heard about you one day,
From fleeting friends,
Jealousy and sorrow.
I cried for you that day,
Tears, more bitter than before,
For all the girls,
Who felt just like me,
Hopelessly smitten,
After a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I did something crazy that day,
Stupid and wrong,
No way to go back.
I knew that day,
Everything was lost,
Everything that could have been,
Everything that never was,
Lost forevermore,
After a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

Part 3:
I tried one day,
To explain my actions,
You left me there, all alone.
I was that day,
An unwanted disease,
Darkness consumed me,
Shame and embarrassment,
A thousand words for you,
I never did say,
After a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I hated you one day,
Passionate and fiery red,
Contempt for your very being,
Your words were bile,
Your face wrenching pain.
I called you things,
That never were true,
A thousand excuses,
After a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I pretended one day,
That nothing ever happened,
Ignorance was bliss.
It was a stupid mistake,
Nothing more,
Nothing less,
No one would ever know,
What had happened,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

I forgot you one day,
Nothing but emptiness,
Never again would I think of you,
Never again would your name,
Pass my freezing lips.
Nothing but oblivion,
Would remain in your place.
Sweet lies I told myself,
After a winter evening,
With a golden gondola.

Part 4:
I went to a familiar place one day,
Poems of a foreign tongue,
I knew you were there,
But I pretended to see nothing,
A dark oblivion,
Black and satisfying,
Right where you were,
I did not care,
I did not listen,
On a bloody battlefield,
With a white elephant.

I realized one day,
Foreign poetry,
Was never my strength.
I knew you would be there,
Deep down inside,
I knew I would see you again,
I hoped I would see you again,
Another chance to explain,
On a bloody battlefield,
With a white elephant.

I was sorry one day,
No longer angry,
No longer upset,
Sorry for every word,
Every uncomfortable word,
Every hateful thought,
That ever crossed my mind,
How could I ever apologize?
On a bloody battlefield,
With a white elephant.

I knew one day,
I did not have the courage,
To face my gravest mistake,
I could never tell you,
My apologies or goodbyes,
I could never face you,
Too weak and frightened,
I could do nothing more,
On a bloody battlefield,
With a white elephant.

Part 5:
I die a little each day,
I hear your name,
A twinge of guilt and regret,
For the all the things I said,
And all the things I did not,
No way to forget,
All the false dreams,
That I wove,
On a cloud in limbo,
Without any poetry.

I drown further each day,
I see your face,
In a pool of despair,
Acidic and corrosive,
To my state of mind.
No way to go back,
And change things,
For better or worse,
On a cloud in limbo,
Without any poetry.

I become each day,
More distant and distraught,
Consumed by my own mistakes,
So sorry for everything,
Yet no path for atonement.
I am too scared,
Too stupid, too weak,
I could live forever,
On a cloud in limbo,
Without any poetry.

I wrote a poem today,
Here it is, for you,
The best I can do,
My side on this all,
My final apology,
For all that happened,
And all that did not.
I wish you all the best,
For your future to come.
I will never forget you,
On a winter evening,
With a golden gondola,
And on a bloody battlefield,
With a white elephant.





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