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Dream-Caught Paper

I could write you a thousand lovely things
On the soft whiteness in front of me.
Promises of eternity
Abound in empty paper.
They stare with bright black eyes,
Heads peaking around
The page's edge,
Watching me
As I
Dream.



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nmk1128 said...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 4:23 pm:
Really good visual with having the words "Heads peaking around" and "Watching me". I find it odd how you kind of deter from the begining of your poem to the end; you start off by romanticizing about the "lovely things" you could write, but then go on to describing the words - I assume - staring back at at you and "peaking around the page's edge" as you dream. The two things have no real link together in my mind, you know? I'm curious to your take on it.
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:09 pm :
Thanks for giving me so much feedback! :DDD This is the first (and only) time I wrote in this form, so it was a bit of an experiment to say the least. :) The link was meant to be the line "Promisses of eternity", which is both the things I could write and the "creatures" staring at me from around the corner. Though to be honest, I was mostly taking the phrases I could and running with them, which tends to create something as close to "pass or fail" poetry as you'... (more »)
 
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BelieveMyStolenPromise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:40 am:
I love this poem. You have a really special way of describing that makes the message of your poem easy to understand. The use of syllables is very imaginative :)
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:03 pm :
Thank you :D
 
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MidnightSeekerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm:
This is great. I really love the idea. :)
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 17, 2012 at 3:59 pm :
Thanksies!
 
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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 14, 2012 at 7:50 pm:
I thought this poem was very interesting. I really like the thought that you put in to it. Some of your ideas were a little brief. I too love to play with formating. 
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 17, 2012 at 3:58 pm :
Thank you for the feedback :)
 
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Lithium96 said...
Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm:
I really liked this.  It's simple but something keeps me thinking about it.
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm :
Daww, thanks!
 
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LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm:
Well, yes..yes-ish.... I sorta like it. I like the rythem of the way it would sound if read normally, I like the sentiment and the thought; the reminder of all the posiblillities that a blank page allows. But honestly, meter and syllables are are supposed to be tools to accentuate and beautify the poem. If, after setting it into the form you desire the poem is LESS apealling rather than MORE, then either the added form is a mistake, or more work needs to be done. I loved the beginning (ruined on... (more »)
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm :
Thanks for your feedback! I personaly like the last part, but of course, I'm an extremely biased author. XD
 
MidnightSeekerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm :
I enjoy the decreasing of syllables too. I think it impacts the end more. In my opinion, poetry doesn't have to sound like normal convers
 
MidnightSeekerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 15, 2012 at 3:09 pm :
I really like the decreasing syllables at the end. I think it impacts the end and sound great. :)
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm :
Thank you! :D It kind of reminds me of pouring words through a funnel. I like the way they rush out at the end.
 
MidnightSeekerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 17, 2012 at 9:25 pm :
I quite agree! I love to end a poem on one syllable. :)
 
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EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm:
Grr. The formatting made the likes all funky. There's one less syllable per line, if you can't tell.
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 8:39 pm :
Lines, not likes.
 
sakina replied...
Nov. 28, 2012 at 4:47 am :
cool way of writing a  poem. nice
 
EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm :
Thanks for the comment. :) I love finding interesting formats for poetry.
 
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