Dream-Caught Paper

May 13, 2012
By EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath


I could write you a thousand lovely things
On the soft whiteness in front of me.
Promises of eternity
Abound in empty paper.
They stare with bright black eyes,
Heads peaking around
The page's edge,
Watching me
As I
Dream.


The author's comments:
Note the syllables per line

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This article has 20 comments.


on Jan. 15 2013 at 10:09 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thanks for giving me so much feedback! :DDD This is the first (and only) time I wrote in this form, so it was a bit of an experiment to say the least. :) The link was meant to be the line "Promisses of eternity", which is both the things I could write and the "creatures" staring at me from around the corner. Though to be honest, I was mostly taking the phrases I could and running with them, which tends to create something as close to "pass or fail" poetry as you're gonna get. Me being all googly over my new relationship, this actually started out as a love poem for the person I was dating. I pulled a blank slate and decided to see where that took me.

on Jan. 15 2013 at 10:03 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you :D

nmk1128 SILVER said...
on Jan. 13 2013 at 4:23 pm
nmk1128 SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Really good visual with having the words "Heads peaking around" and "Watching me". I find it odd how you kind of deter from the begining of your poem to the end; you start off by romanticizing about the "lovely things" you could write, but then go on to describing the words - I assume - staring back at at you and "peaking around the page's edge" as you dream. The two things have no real link together in my mind, you know? I'm curious to your take on it.

on Jan. 13 2013 at 9:40 am
Prisoner24601 SILVER, New Malden, Other
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But Brutus says he was ambitious,
And Brutus is an honourable man." ~William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

I love this poem. You have a really special way of describing that makes the message of your poem easy to understand. The use of syllables is very imaginative :)

on Dec. 17 2012 at 9:25 pm
MidnightSeeker SILVER, Bountiful, Utah
7 articles 2 photos 11 comments
I quite agree! I love to end a poem on one syllable. :)

on Dec. 17 2012 at 3:59 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thanksies!

on Dec. 17 2012 at 3:58 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you for the feedback :)

on Dec. 17 2012 at 3:40 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thank you! :D It kind of reminds me of pouring words through a funnel. I like the way they rush out at the end.

on Dec. 15 2012 at 3:09 pm
MidnightSeeker SILVER, Bountiful, Utah
7 articles 2 photos 11 comments
I really like the decreasing syllables at the end. I think it impacts the end and sound great. :)

on Dec. 15 2012 at 3:07 pm
MidnightSeeker SILVER, Bountiful, Utah
7 articles 2 photos 11 comments
I enjoy the decreasing of syllables too. I think it impacts the end more. In my opinion, poetry doesn't have to sound like normal convers

on Dec. 15 2012 at 3:04 pm
MidnightSeeker SILVER, Bountiful, Utah
7 articles 2 photos 11 comments
This is great. I really love the idea. :)

on Dec. 14 2012 at 7:50 pm
Sparkle1pops PLATINUM, Colorado Springs, Colorado
31 articles 20 photos 343 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist."
- Oscar Wilde

I thought this poem was very interesting. I really like the thought that you put in to it. Some of your ideas were a little brief. I too love to play with formating. 

on Dec. 6 2012 at 6:10 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thanks for your feedback! I personaly like the last part, but of course, I'm an extremely biased author. XD

on Dec. 6 2012 at 6:09 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Daww, thanks!

on Dec. 5 2012 at 1:48 pm
Lithium96 SILVER, Stuart, Iowa
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are"- Kurt Cobain

I really liked this.  It's simple but something keeps me thinking about it.

on Dec. 1 2012 at 2:27 pm
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

Well, yes..yes-ish.... I sorta like it. I like the rythem of the way it would sound if read normally, I like the sentiment and the thought; the reminder of all the posiblillities that a blank page allows. But honestly, meter and syllables are are supposed to be tools to accentuate and beautify the poem. If, after setting it into the form you desire the poem is LESS apealling rather than MORE, then either the added form is a mistake, or more work needs to be done. I loved the beginning (ruined only by TI's stubborn insistance that you must thread the first few lines through a space that may be call 'the eye of a needle') but the last three were made akward by their being forced into three, two and one syllables rather than flowing according to human speach.

on Nov. 28 2012 at 9:21 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Thanks for the comment. :) I love finding interesting formats for poetry.

sakina GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2012 at 4:47 am
sakina GOLD, Chennai, Other
18 articles 13 photos 173 comments

Favorite Quote:
A negative thinker See's a difficulty in every opportunity but a positive thinker sees an opportunity in every difficulty. So always think positive and u'll surely B successful in LIFE.
-Hazrat Ali (A.S)

cool way of writing a  poem. nice

on Aug. 16 2012 at 8:39 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Lines, not likes.

on Aug. 16 2012 at 8:24 pm
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND, Woodbine, Maryland
59 articles 24 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head)."
-Sylvia Plath

Grr. The formatting made the likes all funky. There's one less syllable per line, if you can't tell.




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