"Unheard Song"

April 17, 2012
By lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."- Suckerpunch
"The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself."- Lucy Hale


His eyes of teal left me breathless
While he sang his song
It truly did steal me nonetheless
Knowing it would not be long.

Days and days passed by
With the same gaze
I knew not why
It was like a maze.

His laugh of modesty
Seeing the crooked smiles
Portrayed with honesty
Willing to walk a thousand miles.

With mystery behind us
He said it was strange
Unknown lying before us- it was a must,
But far out of range.

Days and days passed by
With the same gaze
I knew not why
It was like a maze.

In still moonlight
He walked home with thought
Didn’t put up a fight
Though we both desperately sought.

Strumming with sentiment
Singing with meaning-
His song of contentment
Stretches out- leaning.

We said goodbye.
Who knew it was forever.
Our spirits still high-
We’ll give up never.


The author's comments:
This poem is a narrative poem. The general message of this poem is you can get positive out of almost any situation. It's all about perspective, and that's exactly what this poem is about.
In it, I'm looking at a sad event that happened to me, but looking at it in a hopeful way. Not saying that the regret will ever go away or it'll ever be "redeemed" so to speak, but rather that I learned something from it.
While writing gives me an escape- a fantasy world- it also always gives me a new perspective on things.

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This article has 11 comments.


on Aug. 25 2012 at 1:34 am
Pika_Princess, Escondido, California
0 articles 0 photos 118 comments
Although a bit sad, there is still a tinge of hope in this. Your message and meaning is very optimistic and is one that I think everyone should take to heart. Your narrative told a very interesting story with great descritption and tons of emotion. One thing did stick out to me though: you attempt to rhyme in this poem and for the most part, it is good, but in some places it is a bit obvious that they rhyme was forced. For example, the last line and that makes the poem sound a bit off.  

lissa_ GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2012 at 2:35 pm
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."- Suckerpunch
"The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself."- Lucy Hale

haha yea. I never said it sucked; it's just not well organized.

on Aug. 15 2012 at 11:04 am
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson

I like it! I love how you twisted the perspective from being negative about the situation to positive.

on Aug. 15 2012 at 11:04 am
Kiki_McGee GOLD, Woodstock, Illinois
16 articles 16 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." - Emily Dickinson

I like it! I love how you twisted the perspective from being negative about the situation to positive.

on Aug. 15 2012 at 10:24 am
LadyFreeWill GOLD, Okemos, Michigan
13 articles 0 photos 14 comments
I'm glad that you aren't terrible offended. Sometimes I am a little over critical, and there are those who can't take harshness very well. Haha, 7th grade is when I started writing poetry! It was only like two years ago, and it sort of sucked, too. ;)

lissa_ GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2012 at 6:49 pm
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."- Suckerpunch
"The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself."- Lucy Hale

Oh and where you said "this piece doesn't have it". (Perspective). I think it's pretty clear. As you can see it's about two people that can't be together, so, to put it simply, they're upset. However, I'm not writing a heartbreak poem about how my heart was torn out. I put it in a different PERSPECTIVE- positive- and looked at all the happy moments in the relationship. If you still don't understand, that's ok, just thought I'd give it one more attempt. Reading it over, out loud that is, the message is incredibly conspicous to me. Maybe I just got to see it from your perspective.

lissa_ GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2012 at 6:43 pm
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."- Suckerpunch
"The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself."- Lucy Hale

While I appreciate your criticism and thought you put into your reply, I think you took it a little bit too seriously. I wrote this when I was in 7th grade, and though it may seem like it, the ryhming was not forced at all. Clearly, I'm not a "sophisticated" writer. I do it because I enjoy it , and it's also my outlet. I guess  you'd be a really good person to talk to if I was writing a college essay. haha. I'm sorry you didn't get the message I was going for, but this poem still means a lot to me. Thanks for reading.

on Aug. 14 2012 at 4:27 pm
LadyFreeWill GOLD, Okemos, Michigan
13 articles 0 photos 14 comments
  Hello, here to critique your poem! Let’s start off:   You’ve got a free verse narrative with an ABAB type rhyming scheme, zero spelling mistakes, a couple of grammatical errors, and very little punctuation problems, and yet I’m going to give you a 2.5/5 which will be rounded to a 3/5.   Let’s see why:   Now, I generally don’t read what an author has to say about their piece until afterwards, when I begin to review, but seeing as you had a lengthy bit to announce, I thought ‘why not’.   Perspective.   This piece doesn’t really have it. I don’t feel enlightened on the woes of heartbreak and sadness because of this poem –in fact, I can hardly make out what’s really even going on in the poem. You force the rhyming scheme upon the lines, creating a grammatical mess of unorganized, barely-related words. It occurred to me that perhaps you were attempting to capture some sort of antiquated style or speech in your narration (“I knew not why”), but most unfortunately, you were not successful. I think that the contrived rhyming was what killed this piece; it was like you created a poem around the words at the end of each line, when it should be the other way around. The last stanza was terrible in itself, especially the last two lines. As I say to many people, I strongly recommend reading your work out loud to yourself.  Often times when you’re writing, you don’t realise how OFF something is until you read it out and hear the funny wording for yourself.   LFW

lissa_ GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2012 at 12:48 am
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."- Suckerpunch
"The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself."- Lucy Hale

Thank you so much!! That means a lot(:

on Aug. 13 2012 at 8:03 pm
Emma-Riley PLATINUM, No, Other
44 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Take my hand i give it to you, now you own me all i am, you said you would never leave me, i believe you, i believe..."
-Flyleaf

oh ma gosh, AMAZING! (: i furrealz love that! it's so amazing, and i can absolutly picture that in my head. great use of imagery, i love being able to "see" what i'm reading!

on Apr. 29 2012 at 4:14 pm
madlinejoy SILVER, Deale, Maryland
5 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
let go and let God
"Love is not an emotion but a choice"

Perspective is every thing :)


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