All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
Dear colleges, you may now submit your applications,
The deadline ends when I decide it will end,
Your essay will be judged on your lack of conformity,
Your transcript will only be taken as a suggestion on
How high school has failed to show how much you
Can understand, but only what you can memorize,
Five supplements should be attached to your file:
One crayon drawing from when you were six,
One poem from when you discovered teen angst,
Two reflections on any ideas that you spent your
Nights counting stars and filing away contemplations
Of how small you might be to the rest of the stars
And the likely hood of someone looking back at you
From across the nearly infinite domain of metaphors,
And one two hour video recording, no editing needed,
Of who you are at any given moment with any given
Person at any given place doing any given thing.
Don’t bother applying if you think a GPA means
Anything other than “Giraffes, Ponies, and Antelopes,”
Because paper resumes are only a waste of paper,
And electronic resumes are only a waste of space
That could be filled with a new idea rather than
A number that decides how well you can regurgitate
The ideas of someone else who had never even worn
The same vintage, red converse high-tops as you.
Don’t bother applying if you think you know what
You want to do with the rest of your life, because
If you knew, then you would already be doing it,
But college is a place of learning, not knowing,
Because knowing is made of concrete that doesn’t
Let anything else in, and our campus is made of
Pine tree gates that welcome every form of creation.
Don’t bother applying if you base your esteem off of tests,
Because we don’t believe in wasting that much paper,
Because Life is already a hard enough test that requires
All the focus that you have to offer; we aren’t a test,
We are the spark notes to the book that doesn’t exist,
But that you will be tested-on until your #2 pencil breaks.
Don’t bother applying if you already have expectations.
Don’t bother applying if you’re worried about money.
Don’t bother applying if all you want is to drink your life away.
Don’t bother applying if you think you’re better than someone else.
Don’t bother applying if you think you know anything at all.
But please, if you’re sick of trying to figure all this college stuff out,
And you’re ready for all this college stuff to figure you out,
To plead for the ideas that have slipped through the cracks
Of how “education” has diminished you to a number,
Then simply comply with the application process, if you want.