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Drown

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It's funny how you find the perfect Valentine,

But you're moving soon and the date is getting closer.

At the end of the month I'm gone and all I see is the end of November.

I met him early around September,

I told him how I felt, still get shivers.

I love the way he stares and how he waves

Because when he stares and waves it's all heading my way.

I plan to kiss him once

maybe love him twice.

But once I leave him,

I'll never be the same

and I'm sure he'll change.

Because once you find the perfect one all do is love them it's profound.

Once you leave them all you do is drown.





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LoudDreamer said...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Hmm. I love the thought behind it, and it has beautiful flow. But the words themselves don't make sense and feel a little wierd. The beginning was confusing, but good. I loved the last line, it was beautiful. But I was stuck on the line before it: "Because once you find the perfect one all do is love them it's profound"....... I think there was a typo here and it really throw things off. I would have walked away just loving it all around, but it made me look the poem over a little more th... (more »)
 
LoudDreamer replied...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm
If that was just a typo or if there are changes you wanna make you should delete this article while not many people have commented. I know from expirience it is less painful that way. If you like it the way it is..... just know I found it confusing.
 
JaneCapelle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 3:50 pm
I wasnt sure if i liked this poem when i first started reading it, and then i read the last line....i LOVE the last line< 3..."once you leave them all you do is drown"...omg so true...imma give it 4/5, i liked your poem "Smile" better, but this one has a wonderful ending =)
 
JaneCapelle This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm
aw the heart got messed up >:(
 
Aginger said...
Jan. 27, 2012 at 11:54 am
This poem portrays well the pain that comes with loving someone and then having to leave them. It has a nice ring to it, I enjoyed it a lot, well done! I would love if you could read and give feeedback on my poem "A Plea To Mankind" or "Tempest Love." That would mean a lot, thank you and nice job!
 
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