The Ballerina

January 2, 2012
By Likethesunrise BRONZE, Pinehurst, North Carolina
Likethesunrise BRONZE, Pinehurst, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments

As if she has wings,
her feet glide safely above the ground.
Twirling and dancing,
with a twinkle in her eye,
she smiles and flies up towards the sky;
She is laughing and crying,
singing and screaming,
she is proud to be alive.
And then her heart stops working,
her lungs stop breathing,
her mind gives out;
But she doesn't fall,
she just keeps rising up and up,
and then she is gone



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This article has 2 comments.


on Jan. 4 2012 at 6:22 pm
Likethesunrise BRONZE, Pinehurst, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Thank you so much for your feedback and advice (:

on Jan. 4 2012 at 1:26 pm
lilmartz PLATINUM, Perrysburg, Ohio
40 articles 5 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live Life Like A Party That Never Ends

This is a really nice piece! The ballerina sounds a lot like an angel. One way I think you could make this a lot stronger is to take out the conjunctions and pronouns. This is how I would change it from the fifth line "She smiles and flies towards the sky, laughing and crying, singing and screaming proud to be alive suddenly her heart stops working her lungs stop breathing, her mind gives out but she doesn't fall she just keeps rising up and up until she is gone." That is just my opinion, my advice is to look at it, work on it, play around with it, put it away, and come back to it later and go through it again. Don't get my wrong, this is a really good poem, but looks weak compared to what it really could be.


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