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The Ballerina

As if she has wings,
her feet glide safely above the ground.
Twirling and dancing,
with a twinkle in her eye,
she smiles and flies up towards the sky;
She is laughing and crying,
singing and screaming,
she is proud to be alive.
And then her heart stops working,
her lungs stop breathing,
her mind gives out;
But she doesn't fall,
she just keeps rising up and up,
and then she is gone





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

lilmartz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm
This is a really nice piece! The ballerina sounds a lot like an angel. One way I think you could make this a lot stronger is to take out the conjunctions and pronouns. This is how I would change it from the fifth line "She smiles and flies towards the sky, laughing and crying, singing and screaming proud to be alive suddenly her heart stops working her lungs stop breathing, her mind gives out but she doesn't fall she just keeps rising up and up until she is gone." That is just my opinion, my adv... (more »)
 
Likethesunrise replied...
Jan. 4, 2012 at 6:22 pm
Thank you so much for your feedback and advice (:
 
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