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Confusion

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I don't know what to feel.
I don't know how to act.
I'm afraid that my actions and feelings are wrong.
I loved him.
I thought I knew him.
I thought he cared.
Then he did that.
I know I shouldn't love him,
And I don't think I do,
But I'm still in a state of shock.
Was my love for him fake all along?
In the back of my mind, did I know this was going to happen?
Did I know it happen before?
Was our entire relationship a lie?
Was doing what he did all he ever cared about?
They say I'm strong.
But inside I feel weak.
I walking, smiling, and laughing on the outside, comforting others.
I tell them not to worry,
That it's over.
That I'm okay.
But on the inside I'm hiding in a corner,
crying, unsure, hopeless, abandoned.
I feel anger,
Anger at myself, at them, at him.
The advice they give me is the same advice that I give them.
All this advice going around in one big circle,
But no one is really taking it.
So many people I have to take to.
So many people asking questions,
Wanting answers, answers that I'm not sure if I can keep repeating.
And while all this is going on,
I'm not pitying or thinking about myself.
I'm thinking about her.




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