wheres my change?

December 5, 2011
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every day i come home
the alarm tells me to enter a code
the dog barks
if i don't take her out she'll pee
all over me
i come back inside
my homework is on my back
crushing me
i fall into my bed
but it doesn't rap its arms around me
i sit up
it doesn't ask for me to lay back down
i kick my shoes off my feet
my feet stink
i take a deep breath
choke on my own spit
i run my hand through my hair
it rejects me with tangles and knots i cant undo
im bothered now
so much my body temperature increases
i take off my jacket
i also take off a berett full of hair
they're having an affair
i reach for my water bottle
it spills itself all over me
i turn on my ipod
and it tells me to go away
i pick up my guitar
maybe i can let my feelings out that way
i write a few lyrics
they're about you
sing it to the walls
but the walls don't care
its not fair
for me to pay
not get any change
so i call you
you always say yes
as you wish
anything for you darling
but it goes straight to voicemail
so i listen to your voice
deep and kind
and at the end
your voice tells me
your mine
i wait for the beep
tell you i'm yours
hangup the phone
mothers home
i hear her footsteps in the hall
its a cold sound
echos to my soul
the slam of a door and i flush her from my mind
my phone starts to play our song
and i know its you
so i start to sing along
i pickup the phone
say hello
another girl's voice answers though
why are you calling my boyfriend
says the voice
i hang up by choice
no one cares
no one even bothers
not even the alarm
the dog
my own mother
so i don't cry
where would that get me?
i come write this
but it means nothing
its just another idea
just another event
another something someone said
so you'll read this
then get up
walk away
but thats okay
the whole universe means nothing
if you think about it
people try to find a meaning for everything
a feeling for everything
what if its all just nothing
every star
every sentence
ever said
ever barked
ever read
that why you need this
this feeling of mine
because you fill the gaps with it
in your own life
thats the purpose of art
the purpose of people
i just found out my boyfriends cheating on me
is that supposed to prevoke
something?
a tear?
maybe
but look- it benefits you
its really something.
now go create
so i can fill my gaps
i just gave away
give me my change.





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