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the first time

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The first time you smiled at me,
my heart stopped beating for a second.
No, I wasn't in love with you, back then,
but your eyes, oh, your eyes.
That beautiful shade of chocolate-y brown,
made my insides feel so warm.
A tingle ran up my toes
up my spine
and I couldn't help but smile back.

The first time.

The first time you asked me out on a date,
I felt so nervous.
I was afraid.
I was afraid we will end up being awkward.
I was afraid we wouldn't know what to say,
what to do,
where to go.
Yet I wanted to be with you.

So, I went.

You led me to a dressing room
at the department store.
You told me to close my eyes
and I did.

Then, you led me inside and closed the door.
“Open your eyes,” you said,
with a smile on your face.
And I did.

White candles burning,
petite and pretty;
an iloveyou spelled out on the floor.
You held my hands in yours.
I remember those hands;
they felt so warm.
You asked me to be with you.
I said, “Are you sure? I'm going away soon.”
You said “yes” and I said “yes” too
and we hugged and talked
with your arm around me
for two hours
in the dressing room.

The first time.

The first time we kissed
was four days later.
It was raining
and it was cold and wet.
You led me through a door labelled
“Cafe Kitchen”.
And we sat there
huddling close together for warmth.
Then, you kissed me.
We bumped noses
and I bit your tongue.
You said it didn't hurt
and we laughed
it was awkward but sweet
because
that
was the first time.

The first time

the first time we had to say goodbye was a month later
It was christmas eve.
We went to that dressing room again.
And we talked
just like we did
the first time.

I was going abroad to study
for my future.
You didn't want me to go and I didn't either.
“I'd miss you.”
we kissed,
we laughed
and we did all those things that couples do
wearing our identical Elmo shirts
just like couples do.

You took me outside.
And with the help of your friend
you let me experience
Snow.
You whispered sweet tokens of your love
while a cascade of foam
drifted all over us.
It lasted only a few seconds,
but it was wonderful.
That was the first time I experienced
Snow.

The first time.

The first time you broke my heart
was eight months later.
I admit it was my fault.
I was always emotional for some reason.
You didn't like that.
But what you didn't know is that it was mostly because of you.
We can still be best friends,
that's what you said.
And we were
we still talked all day.
As if nothing had happened.
“This didn't make sense,
it still feels like we're together.
Give me four months,
I'll get you back,
somehow.”
but it didn't happen that way.
We got back together the next day.

The second time it happened
was just a month later.
This time it came without warning
and I was swept up in a storm
of tears and
regrets.
I wish I have the chance to say
I love you,
again.
But, no.
you took my heart and you
damaged it beyond repair.
I find it hard to believe that
you once cared.
All my firsts,
I have given to you
along with the better part
of my heart.
How do you love someone and then leave'em,
just like that?
I still don't understand.
Didn't you know?
I cried myself sick about you
I couldn't sleep
or eat
without you invading my thoughts,
my dreams.
Didn't you know?
I was insanely in love with you.
Maybe I still am...

Now i'm left here alone
to pick up the pieces
and I realise that
of all the firsts in my live,
the ones I experience with you
were the most beautiful of them all.
But now,
I'm alone to find my way.
And I hope that one day you'd realize,
that all the firsts you had with me,
were the most beautiful, too,
after all.



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