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Starting Over

I sit at my kitchen table
While clutching my lifeline
The cup, when there is no water to quench my burning, scorching thirst
Remembering, as if in a dream
When I used to feel sad when it rained
But now, how I would welcome rain in this drought
And suddenly, I’m thinking...
I’m thinking?
I’m thinking?!?
And it’s as if all hell broke loose
The images torture me and make a roaring in my ears
And I’m doubling over and coughing and spitting and clutching at my chest
With vacant eyes that are searching my mind
Overflowing with thoughts
And words never said
Emotions torn apart
Holes gaping
Feelings of sorrow, of dread
Escaped from their chains
Where they were bound tightly to my head
Now, with them on rampage, I’d rather be dead
I straighten, standing clumsily
I push away the glass
Taking the bottle and pouring it all down the drain
Then braking it and screaming and sobbing your name
The shards piercing me at the sight of your face
And turning on the faucet while feeling the pain
Watching it all wash down into the sea
My tears returning to where they should be
All of the blood and the shattered glass
And the pieces of my heart and soul and spirit
And my broken shrieks and cries
Going down, down
And all of my haunting Demons that have been
Engulfing
and
Surrounding
and
Encasing
and
SUFFOCATING
They are frantically trying
To pick up all the pieces of me that you’ve touched
That you have broken and that are now spiraling down that drain
But They, too, get caught up in the flow of my tears
My tears, making their way back to the sea
My tears returning to where they should be
For the sea rises to the sky
And has come back down in this glorious rain
In the drops
Which I have caught just as the sun broke through the clouds
I stare in wonder at the pure water that I was deprived of for too long
And I take a sip with my cracked lips
Tasting the fresh beginning contained in the life-saving drops
While standing under the new hope
Of the rainbow just breaking through the heavens.




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