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Broken

I close my eyes
Slip into another life
The pain and hurt is gone
I create my paradise

Everything I thought I knew
Was just a web of lies
Your illusion did succeed
You pulled the wool over my eyes

Breaking down, falling to pieces
But you refuse to do the one thing
That will cease the pain
And fix my shattered world

When you look back,
I hope you understand
That who I am is completely
Your heart-breaking mistake’s fault

Maybe in time, I will forgive you
But what you set in motion
Will be too late to fix
You broke each other, and you broke me too.




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This article has 12 comments. Post your own!

BrightBurningCampeadorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 12, 2012 at 5:18 pm:
Overall, I really like it. My one suggestion is to change the line "your heart-breaking mistake's fault". Compared to the rest of the poem it's a bit of a mouth full.
 
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Kiki_McGeeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 9, 2012 at 11:34 pm:
Other than being a little rough in places, this is very good. I find that the best poems occur when you just grab on and run with it.
 
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InksyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 4, 2012 at 1:10 am:
Thank you everybody (:
 
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HaleyLynn said...
Feb. 1, 2012 at 6:59 am:
So beautiful. You have great talent. Dint let it go to waste. Don't ever stop. I did for awhile, and I'm just now starting to pick it up again. I love the imagery. I have two more I just wrote, you should look at them. (:
 
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JaneCapelleThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm:
I love this. I really do. I like the metaphors and imagery....my favorite lines are "you pulled the wool over my eyes." and "You broke each other, and you broke me too." love it =) 5/5
 
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EtherealThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 20, 2012 at 5:26 am:
thing is- I think some of the very best poems are written on the spur of the moment- this is lovely, keep writing!
 
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Adelle said...
Jan. 1, 2012 at 7:41 pm:
Its very nice poem and very well relatable..I've had sort of the same feelings and experiences. great job :)
 
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YukiBella said...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 11:42 pm:
Its a nice poem. I personally think you could add a little more and polish it up a little bit. It has nice emotions in it.
 
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LifesIllusion said...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm:
This piece flows effortlessly also but its a different type of effortless. The way you write the words makes me think that she finally gave up. Sad but touching. 5/5 stars
 
InksplotchThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 10:06 pm :
Thank you (:
 
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samiasaskia24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:04 pm:
This get's me thinking. Great rough draft!
 
InksplotchThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:39 am :
Thank you!
 
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