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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Josephine Demme said...
Jan. 19, 2009 at 1:37 pm:
Carl, that was AMAZING! it was beautifully written and worded! wow
 
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poetess123 said...
Jan. 18, 2009 at 3:10 pm:
Hey R. Gallagher you can back off now. Just because you may be envious doesn't mean that you can go around knocking other people's work.

And, Carl, that poem was lovely, almost lyrical. Keep it up, and consider it as a career!
 
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melinda13 said...
Jan. 17, 2009 at 11:56 pm:
Carl,
don't listen to the people's criticism. you did a great job of writing the poem, better than i could ever write one. my dream is to actually write a poem that's meaningful and that actually makes sense. great job again!
melinda13
 
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marymoocow said...
Jan. 17, 2009 at 4:22 pm:
Wow. That was amazing!I like the emotion in it. You expressed it really well. But, as a reader, am i suppose to think that your dad is protecting you from failing or keeping you from trying?
 
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Jaejae said...
Jan. 16, 2009 at 2:06 am:
This is really amazing. I love how at first you put the idea of your earthly father and how he wouldnt let you, but made it in context with your heavenly Father and how he let you go try.

Great work!
 
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Mickey said...
Jan. 15, 2009 at 4:54 pm:
I love the poem.I think you did a great job.
 
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c.c. said...
Jan. 14, 2009 at 8:11 pm:
Hi RGallagher,

Can we skip the drama please and get back to talking about poetry? Do you have a poem I can read?

P.S. Reread how many times I commented. I wasn’t putting anybody down! If you actually read what I wrote, you’d see that I have no problem with criticism, as long as your argument is developed and can sustain itself. And yes, I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine and I got a 4.0, and blah b... (more »)
 
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RGallagher said...
Jan. 14, 2009 at 4:56 am:
"I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary magazine—so I think I know what I’m doing!"

If you're so well "educated", I would expect your writing to be of a much higher quality. It should have more depth and be more thought out. And the writer should be more mature. Instead of putting down every person who tells you something that they don't like, maybe you should listen to them. When you start hearing the sa... (more »)
 
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FireFallon said...
Jan. 14, 2009 at 4:29 am:
Okay I get what you are saying. It just seemed unintentional, lazy typing was the first thing that popped in to my mind. And you are right I did speak as if I knew the author/speaker and in the future I shall try to be more clear about my personal opinions. But can I ask you a question? Can you explain to me why things aren't capitalized I just don't understand why they aren't. And another thing relax you're still (or were recently) a teenager yourself. :) I must admit you are more accomplished ... (more »)
 
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Infidus said...
Jan. 14, 2009 at 1:46 am:
The concept was beautiful, well explained and understood. I love the uniqueness of it's form.
 
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XeyesclosedX said...
Jan. 13, 2009 at 8:28 pm:
I like it, I just finished it, and I'm thinking, why couldn't my father be like that?
 
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Lisa T.92 said...
Jan. 12, 2009 at 6:00 pm:
I love this poem it really inspired me to write one just like it. thank you for writing this it is very creative and you are very talented.
 
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c.c. said...
Jan. 11, 2009 at 2:08 am:
FireFallon, I don’t know if you fully read what I wrote. I don’t have a problem with criticism—I do have a problem with readers who claim to know what was and what wasn’t intentional about my writing process… When responding to any work of art, it is best not to make assumptions about the author. The speaker of the poem and the author are separate. Among other things, you said, “The lack of the capitalization was not intentional…the inconsistency prove... (more »)
 
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FireFallon said...
Jan. 9, 2009 at 8:01 pm:
Carl, two things if you don't want criticism then don't post, we were trying to help, there was no way we could possibly know what you were thinking when you wrote it. For an amatuer who is just starting out with writing out comments are valid, so don't lash out at us for trying to be helpful. Secondly, we were pointing things out that we off putting and detracted from your poem and may discourage people from reading if they don't understand. So don't attack us for tell you what we thought, poet... (more »)
 
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dobbins said...
Jan. 9, 2009 at 4:32 am:
interesting work. Screams of cynicism. Perhaps the child is symbolic of society, the father of "Big Brother." Not enjoyable at all. And that is the highest praise i can give.
 
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FireFallon said...
Jan. 8, 2009 at 3:53 pm:
Okay first this poem has some serious grammatical issues. The lack of the capitalization was not intentional, as others have pointed out, the inconsistency proves that. I have an issue with the capitalization of the word sea but I suppose if you are personifying it I can understand it. The near/slant rhymes need some work if your are trying for a every 2nd and 4th line rhyme scheme some of them are done poorly. You completely broke your poem structure with the fourth and fifth stanzas, even you ... (more »)
 
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RGallagher said...
Jan. 8, 2009 at 3:38 pm:
hitthelights93 : "stop leaving comments saying you don't like the rhyme scheme or how it's formatted. does it really, honestly matter?"

That's the whole point of feedback! You tell the author what you think of how it's written. If you only want people to say "oh I love it, it's awesome." Don't put your work up for people to comment on. Not all comments will praise your work.
 
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c.c. said...
Jan. 8, 2009 at 4:57 pm:
I tried not to take the bait, but some of you guys are so hasty to rant instead of process your comments. It's one thing to criticize or interrupt; it's another thing to define what my intentions were. The use of capitalization is intentional where it happens and where it doesn’t. If you’d read/reread the poem rather than go off on a tangent about what you would do, you’d understand the poem! I am a junior in college and I’m Editor-In-Chief of my college’s literary ... (more »)
 
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wonder wall said...
Jan. 7, 2009 at 10:55 pm:
I love this poem so much. U are so talented...
 
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crich897 said...
Jan. 7, 2009 at 12:57 am:
Yo, DUDE, why am I the only one getting bashed here? Which of my criticisms was not constructive or offering uplifting advice? Sure, I was a bit critical. Many others were very much more critical than I, however. Sorry, geez.
 
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