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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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JelloGoMoo said...
Dec. 18, 2008 at 6:35 pm:
This is a really nice poem and it makes me smile even if all the others say the part about the chain makes them sad or something. You're great even if the spelling might be bad. xP
 
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beginningpoet said...
Dec. 29, 2008 at 5:34 pm:
That was such a beautiful poem. Keep it up.
 
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crich897 said...
Dec. 29, 2008 at 7:38 pm:
word_addict: Yes, I was pretty critical of the piece. But the criticism was solely constructive - for use as a help further down the road. I don't know if you noticed, but I encouraged Carl at the end to keep on writing and see what else he can come up with! My comment was nowhere near as spiteful as "longtermaddict"'s is. Please read the entire comment before being a jerk.
 
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BellaEzrebetFang said...
Dec. 29, 2008 at 10:23 pm:
It's like you're given hope and then you're pulled back again. :(
 
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arielle said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:31 am:
nice carl--i feel horrible about all the bad comments...it's definitely just because they're jealous :D Amazing Job!!
 
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TWiN S4NCH3z said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 2:55 pm:
i liked the poem but i didnt much enjoy the end but of all it was really good and i liked the way you expressed your feelings
 
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crich897 said...
Dec. 15, 2008 at 3:08 pm:
By the way... why is this still on top?!?
 
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Arnold said...
Dec. 15, 2008 at 12:59 am:
Nice poem!
 
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crich897 said...
Dec. 13, 2008 at 4:24 am:
You know, it's hard to take someone seriously when they use words like "dnt" or use the wrong form of the word "they're".
 
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Jai said...
Dec. 9, 2008 at 11:59 am:
Do you honestly think that rhyming will help your theme flourish? The message is good, and the rhyme sets up rhythm, but I think the verbiage seems a little remedial for my taste. Good Job though, I fully commend you from one writer to another...
 
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Redemption65 said...
Dec. 9, 2008 at 9:13 pm:
This is...strange. It is okay but I feel the idea of a kid wanting to fly in water is absurd.
 
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Mickey said...
Dec. 9, 2008 at 9:09 pm:
That poem was soooooooo.......cool.Keep writing my guess's in life are that your going to become an author of poetry.
 
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crich897 said...
Dec. 2, 2008 at 6:11 pm:
I have already commented this piece once, but there was something else I wanted to hit on real fast. Everyone is saying "Oh I love the uncapitalized "i"s and the capitalized "Father"! Well, uh, take another look. There are capitalized "I"s. No, they are not in strategic places. It was all a screwup.
 
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sing4ever94 said...
Dec. 5, 2008 at 12:55 pm:
I really liked your poem! It was very interesting to read and it conveyed a significant idea. I personally didn't notice any grammar issues because i think that the poem kept my attention! GREAT WORK!
 
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dule_91 said...
Dec. 3, 2008 at 8:39 pm:
those who have remarks about your grammar usually write so incorrectly in their comments so I guess it's easy to criticize the others and I'd suggest them all work on their own grammar.
Great work!!!
btw check out my story: TeenInk.com/raw/Fiction/article/65417/Restless-soul/
 
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puppyluvr132 said...
Dec. 3, 2008 at 7:01 pm:
This is a good poem, but the lack of grammar takes away from it.
 
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crich897 said...
Dec. 4, 2008 at 6:30 pm:
Yeah, Jared, I suppose you're right. Except... wait! There are so many inconsistensies! He didn't do it on purpose.
 
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Quinbys_Class said...
Dec. 4, 2008 at 4:27 pm:
This poem is a typical teenage poem. Most people our age can relate to this poem because when we believe we're ready to grow up, it takes our parents a little bit longer although they try and be supportive towards us. Good Job !
 
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Jared said...
Dec. 4, 2008 at 1:55 pm:
Hey I just wanted everyone to know about the grammar part. It doesn't matter how bad the grammar is, maybe he wanted it to be that way. It's poetry people. You can write it however you want. There is no wrong or write. It's whatever the writer chooses to write. That's it. Anyways very nice poem.
 
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DaretoDream said...
Dec. 6, 2008 at 7:04 pm:
Hello Carl. I'm not positive on why others were making such a big deal on the lower case "i" in your poem. Quite honestly, I believe it really goes with the whole being a child aspect of the poem. But then again, that is only my opinion. Either way, you did an excellent job on this peice!
 
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