I’d rather be anywhere than here,
Next to your lack of deportment.
Trapped at a four-legged prison,
This matter is truly important.

A rancid belch bolts from your mouth,
Sawing my ears with vexation.
As lips bash ruthlessly against your food,
I’m praying for salvation.

Please drop an anvil onto my brain,
It couldn’t be much worse.
Your displeasing teeth smash into slop
And it couldn’t be more perverse.

Croutons crunch aloud
And the penne begins to pilot.
Your platter: a monstrosity to man.
I beg you, please be quiet.

As you can see, my request is simple,
So please don’t disregard.
I wish only to eat in peace;
My task shouldn’t be this hard