I Have Grown My Wings

October 27, 2011
It has been a while
since our last encounter
and after all this time
I am becoming grateful
for our distance.
It used to be so
inconvenient, and such
a heavy burden
to have so many
inches, so many thousands
of miles
between our bodies.

Recalling walking and talking in the snow
and kissing in the
presence of your feline
who would know
how far we would go
to keep each other’s love.

And above us hung
the disapproval of our
parents who lacked every
aspect of admiration when
we gawked at their
tangled, knotted
relations with their
own supposed significant other.
What hypocrites our mothers were.
They were blind to our
utter infatuation
and undeniable connection.

We would unveil our teeth-
mine as straight as a healthy spine,
and yours were crooked and stained
from drinking wine
-between bites of
chinese food and
cigarette drags.
Bags beneath our eyes
from trading words
and not a single lie
late while the moon
screamed its stream of
light silently.

We were violently in love,
willing to hurt when
push came to shove.

My place of preference
was tightly pressed
between your arms
where there was no chance
of threat or harm.
But time and time again
your need to fly
weighed more
than the makeshift wings
I could give you.
The height I gave was
real and true, and
the skies you were in
were the brightest hue,
but you would strive
and strive again
to climb higher
than my clouds.

Your attempts were successful,
they took you so far
you scraped the doors of
God’s cardboard house,
but you fell and
made impact
with sunnier places
with prettier faces
than the one
that holds my cat-like eyes.
And out of all of the lies
you decided to tell me
were true,
the one that stung the most
was “I love you”.

I tried so hard
to keep you happy,
to keep you healthy,
to keep you safe
with the girl who
would give the world away
just to see you live another day
while I would fall to
decomposition and decay.

I can’t help
but to resent myself
for believing in you and
your stealth.
You had me convinced,
that you wanted
to drop your vices
and leave them haunted
with only your absence.

I lacked faith, but not in you.

Ignorance lived inside
of my ears
when you told me
you would let me down.
And now,
I am nothing but a heap
on the ground
wallowing in my loss of
love that I had found.

Confusion swarms and
gives me a heated head
and even though I am fed
up and finally done,
I can’t help
but to look back
at the fun we had
with being together
and part of me wishes
We could stay there forever.

Great things always
come to an end
and I’m already
making stitches to mend
the decent parts of me
that have torn.
My feelings are worn;
saunter south
and I’ll
meander north.
One day maybe
our paths will meet
after walking
one-hundred thirty one million
eight-hundred one thousand
one-hundred eighty four feet.

But until then,
let me go
and I will let go
of you,
and myself, too.

Your eyes of burning coals
have stained my mind.
Maybe years from now
our hearts will find
each other
one last time.

There is no guarantee-
but let me slip away,
dissolve away,
to where I can finally
feel free.





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