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Insomnia

The clock eagerly ticks beside her,
the darkness of surrounds her,
sleep so close,
but so far away,
eyes blaze with fatigue,
her body temperature bounces from a cool to scorching hot,
want to sleep to dream but nothing enables her,
she passes out after many hours,
exhausted thinking and trying to sleep,
she wakes up groggy still weary,
she dreads the nightly ritual,
within weeks fatigue has taken an unbearable toll on her,
she tries pills but they don't help,
one day for some reason she naturally sleeps,
she believes the insomnia was just a curse,
what broken it may never be known,
sleep her new friend,
dreams her new reality,




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iAmandaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 12:43 am:
I like this poem. You describe what insomnia is very well. It starts out sounding sad, but in the end it changes its tone. Personally, I think the ending it a bit quick. For some lines such as the "Within weeks, fatigue has taken an unbearable toll on her" you may consider to shrink it, or make it two lines instead of one. Each line in your poem has a similar length, but some of them are longer than others.
 
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Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 28 at 4:28 pm:
Great job! I can totally relate to this in every way (I supposedly have a mild form of insomnia) great job. Love the last to lines: priceless! Great! Could u check out some of my work?
 
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Bekah.rainbow_dashonanotheraccountThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 3:25 pm:
This is pretty good! I haven't done much free verse, but yours seems more then decent to me. =D
 
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Aeliss-NovakThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 15, 2012 at 10:00 pm:
I agree with Love. It's great overall. :D I'm an insomniac sometimes.
 
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Love_Kills_the_Blind said...
Nov. 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm:
I love this piece! Its a bit choppy at the beggining but it gets alot more flowing. The last two lines are my favorite. Great writing! Keep it up! :)
 
julywinters1226This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm :
thanks.I'll work on my flow.:)
 
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