The Girl I See

October 23, 2011
By RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?


I see a girl
She is skinny
She wraps her arms around her flat stomach
As if she were giving herself a hug
Her hair is black
It matches her nails
And the thick line of eyeiner, surrouding her eyesThe girl is pretty
But she is sad
You can see it in her face
Hiding under the makeup
She is sad
And she is scared
But you don't know it
Only I can tell
Because the girl I see...
is me



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This article has 25 comments.


on Dec. 15 2011 at 3:20 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

teehee :)

on Dec. 2 2011 at 1:30 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 191 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Not a problem. :)

on Dec. 2 2011 at 1:28 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 191 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Not a problem :)

on Nov. 30 2011 at 9:35 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

ya now even tho ive some of the weight back, i still do that. makes me feel safe i guess :)

on Nov. 30 2011 at 7:37 pm
wordjunkie BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

Also, the wrapping ur arms around ur stomache? i thought that was just me. Apperently not

on Nov. 30 2011 at 7:34 pm
swiftheart GOLD, Houston, Texas
17 articles 5 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?"

I luv it. You can try adding more description and try seperating them into stanzas. 

 


on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:04 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

thx jacobius :) that means alot :)

on Nov. 28 2011 at 6:01 pm
Mortimer-Micheals-Jacob-Joyce GOLD, Edgar, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 191 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back"-Eminem

Different people like poetry different ways.  Me?  I think it is great, just the way it is.

on Nov. 28 2011 at 5:52 pm
TheLittleThings SILVER, Bronx, New York
5 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You're only given a little spark of madness, you mustn't lose it." Robin Williams

i like it but try adding more feelings in the reason why the girl is sad

 


on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:49 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

less description? more description? i think im getting mixed feedback...lol

on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:37 pm
GretaGibson PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
23 articles 4 photos 23 comments
you could maybe explain what you see behind her eyes, or what her expression seems to be saying maybe :)

on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:27 pm
Plain-Jane ELITE, Grandview, Missouri
108 articles 2 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their Shepherd. He will guide them to springs of living water; and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:17

Add more about the girl under the makeup and this will be a great poem! i love the message

on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:51 pm
artmantist BRONZE, Willemstad, Other
3 articles 0 photos 72 comments
i like ur poem,i think u should have use less description. Nice ending, love it

on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:27 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

i get what you're saying but what should i do? write a longer poem about the girl? write a story about her? i guess i dont FULLY understand....explain? :)

on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:26 pm
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

aww thanks pinky :) lol

on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:24 pm
GretaGibson PLATINUM, Vancouver, Other
23 articles 4 photos 23 comments
its a very pretty poem. The ending was fantastic, but i feel it was more of a physical description of someone id like to hear more about :)

pinkowl BRONZE said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:22 pm
pinkowl BRONZE, Tyrone, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
Jeremiah 29:11

WOW, i love the ending. it is so unexpected! great poem, great discriptions! keep up the great work!

on Nov. 27 2011 at 12:23 am
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

ya i menat to press enter before "the girl is pretty"  :(

on Nov. 27 2011 at 12:16 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This was good, I only have one criticism:

"And the thick line of eyeiner, surrouding her eyesThe girl is pretty"


on Nov. 27 2011 at 12:04 am
RaveFire PLATINUM, Vancouver, Washington
32 articles 1 photo 218 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes You Have To Give Up Your Life To Save It." ~some book that i don't remember the name of

"Live Life Like There's No Yesterday" ~ random billboard

"If No One Can Hurt You, Then Nobody Loves You" ` ~ Kerli?

oh hey good idea :) thx bree


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