The Girl I See

October 23, 2011
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I see a girl
She is skinny
She wraps her arms around her flat stomach
As if she were giving herself a hug
Her hair is black
It matches her nails
And the thick line of eyeiner, surrouding her eyesThe girl is pretty
But she is sad
You can see it in her face
Hiding under the makeup
She is sad
And she is scared
But you don't know it
Only I can tell
Because the girl I see...
is me





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This article has 25 comments. Post your own now!

wordjunkie said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Also, the wrapping ur arms around ur stomache? i thought that was just me. Apperently not
 
BeyondTheBrooke replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 9:35 pm
ya now even tho ive some of the weight back, i still do that. makes me feel safe i guess :)
 
swifthearth said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 7:34 pm

I luv it. You can try adding more description and try seperating them into stanzas. 

 

 
BeyondTheBrooke said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm
less description? more description? i think im getting mixed feedback...lol
 
sweetwannabeme replied...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm

i like it but try adding more feelings in the reason why the girl is sad

 

 
FlaviusJacobiusOssummuss replied...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Different people like poetry different ways.  Me?  I think it is great, just the way it is.
 
BeyondTheBrooke replied...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 6:04 pm
thx jacobius :) that means alot :)
 
FlaviusJacobiusOssummuss replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Not a problem :)
 
FlaviusJacobiusOssummuss replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Not a problem. :)
 
DrowningInTheBrooke replied...
Dec. 15, 2011 at 3:20 pm
teehee :)
 
MsAnonymous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Add more about the girl under the makeup and this will be a great poem! i love the message
 
artmantist said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm
i like ur poem,i think u should have use less description. Nice ending, love it
 
KendisPiper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm
its a very pretty poem. The ending was fantastic, but i feel it was more of a physical description of someone id like to hear more about :)
 
BeyondTheBrooke replied...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:27 pm
i get what you're saying but what should i do? write a longer poem about the girl? write a story about her? i guess i dont FULLY understand....explain? :)
 
KendisPiper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:37 pm
you could maybe explain what you see behind her eyes, or what her expression seems to be saying maybe :)
 
pinkowl said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:22 pm
WOW, i love the ending. it is so unexpected! great poem, great discriptions! keep up the great work!
 
BeyondTheBrooke replied...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:26 pm
aww thanks pinky :) lol
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:16 am

This was good, I only have one criticism:

"And the thick line of eyeiner, surrouding her eyesThe girl is pretty"

 
BeyondTheBrooke replied...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 12:23 am
ya i menat to press enter before "the girl is pretty"  :(
 
BrokenBree said...
Nov. 25, 2011 at 4:30 pm
This poem, in my opinion, was the best I've read in a LONG time!
 
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