My soul, it cries for salvation, yet feels nothing, no one comes to help...

The beast rears its ugly head, looking for one thing, one tiny shred of light,

waiting, watching, waiting, watching, that's all it does, hoping that something,

no, someone, will feed it, so that it no longer must be a horrible, depraved, starving lion,

but a filled bird, stuffed with vitality, life, vive, a sort of being where, it can soar, can, thrive,

without having to worry about the beast it can be.

But still, pain lingering in its veins, the lifeblood for which the beast only remains, is strangely enough

... Love? No that cannot be right,

the animal, it still feels bound... no chained, to this cruel earth, when all it wishes for is...

is... a single chance, at redemption, the redemption it seeks is... not love from an outsider, but a love from

insiders, family that it cannot see, because of feral quarrelling inside the lions own pride, he cannot truly become what he was meant to be...

so no... the beast is stuck to this horrific fate... of not becoming what he can be... but staying what he is..

and the terrifying thing to me is... I am the beast...

although I am no beast of violence, no beast of much anger towards others...

I am a beast of self hatred... an animal feeding on my own insecurities...

a feral hellhound, released upon myself, to not only take on my own problems...

but try to help others with theirs...

With this knowledge thrust upon me, my soul, my very existence could...

could change....? No that's not possible... but at the same time... it is... it really truly is...

But the animal... what does it do? Nothing... it doesn't move on, it doesn't change what has already begun,

but instead suffers in self pity, pain, misery... It doesn't matter whether the death of a member of the pride can be swayed into something new and beautiful for him... no...

He goes on... trying to help others... and in that... seeking self-worth... and salvation...

Salvation... it's such... a cruel term... so many beings in this world seek it ...

yet rarely none find any...

I'm a fortunate being...

Not because of the gifts I've been granted...

Not because of family or friends...

But because my soul has found it's match... it's other half...

When I saw her for the second time... I knew... like a breath of fresh, crisp, winter air...

I was rejuvenated, revitalized...

It was like I had been brought from the fires of he**...

Like a phoenix, rising again from the ashes of death

I knew how intense this moment would be...

I stared into her eyes... and found the vitality my soul had been searching for...

While there had been rough times in the past eleven months...

My soul still rejoices when it senses her presence

and weeps in sorrow at her departure...

All I ever asked for was redemption... a chance to see my grandfather hulse again...

just for ten minutes, ask him why he had to leave...

All I can say, is that the power of love is great...

God has showed me that... not through that... but through my change of heart after seeing her...

I don't know how something could possibly be that incredible

... My soul once cried in pain, anger, fear, misery!!!!

But now... all it longs for is more and more loving... I'm not scared anymore

Someone loves me for who I am... Tender, warm, kind, love...