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Carnival Kiss

The Kiss
Our First, as sweet as the cotton candy that turned our lips blue,
filled with gentle power, shy affection
On top of the Ferris Wheel,
the night lights shining like our eyes




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AnthonyDavidHallThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 4, 2012 at 10:12 pm:
This has potential to be majorly awesome. It's jarringly short, though. You should extend it. The carnival metaphor is fun, so play around with it.
 
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BrightBurningCampeadorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 1:31 pm:
I like it, but the second line seems a bit long. Maybe you could break it a little.
 
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msn9896 said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 10:29 pm:
Beautiful :)
 
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