No Longer

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You will not do this.
Not to me.
Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

I refuse.
I decline.
I will not follow,
Those steps,
Through this life.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

You aren’t me.
I’m not you.
Yet you breathe my name,
As if it’s yours.

Your eyes shine,
With what mine do.
Your mouth smiles,
When mine does.
Your words are my own,
Twisted back around.
Your hands ache for mine,
As my lips for yours.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

You will not hold me,
In your arms.
And I won’t grasp,
Your hand in mine.
And you won’t,
Touch my arm,
In that comforting way of yours.
I won’t feel your skin,
With my fingertips.
And you will not stroke my hair,
With yours.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

The look in your eyes,
Calls out to me,
And hits my heart,
Tearing through,
Like a bullet,
Too bad it’s already ripped to shreds.

Words flow out of your mouth,
In a cascading river,
Followed by a torrential downpour,
Of gestures and looks.

I will not be fooled.
I will not be deceived.
I will not be misled.
By you once more.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

My eyes are blank.
My mouth is tight.
My face is expressionless.
I stand still.
Not hearing,
Not feeling,
Not even really seeing.

Because to hear is to listen,
And to feel is to know,
And to see is to believe,
And that has ended,
That is gone.
You stole it from me,
With the words you said before,
And the actions you committed.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

You start to tremble,
And begin to beg.
I don’t move.
And your eyes plead.
I remain still.
Your mouth keeps moving,
But I don’t hear a sound.

I shake my head,
And turn around.
You take two steps forward,
And I pause.
You say my name,
And it makes me freeze.
The memories it calls back,
Crushing me.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

You want me back,
You want me.
You want all of me and nothing else,
You say anyway.

That will change.
That won’t last.
And I don’t believe,
Because I don’t see ,
Your heart braking,
Like mine already did.

And I don’t know,
What you know,
- that I love you.
Because I can’t feel,
My love for you.
The anesthesia I took,
To numb the pain,
Numbing that too.

I don’t listen,
To the side,
That’s telling me to forgive,
Because I can’t hear it,
After your sins,
Caused me to go deaf.

And so I don’t know,
That your heart is braking,
And that I love you,
And that I should forgive.

Not again.
Not this time.
Not anymore.

And maybe the damage you did,
Is too much to be fixed.
And maybe the scar it leaves,
Can’t be overlooked.

I walk away,
And you start to follow,
But I stop,
And tell you to go.
You shove your hands in your pockets,
And start to leave,
Then hesitate,
And pause,
And finally stop all together.
You turn around,
And look at me,
And before I can stop you,
Your arms are around me,
And you’re pleading against my mouth instead,
And begging me with your body.

You’re ripping out the ear plugs,
Making me hear,
And listen too.

You’re cutting through the layer of clothes,
Causing me to feel,
And consequently know.

You’re prying my eyes open,
Forcing me to see,
And therefore to believe.

And maybe you will be my surgeon,
As well as my attacker.
And maybe you will find a way,
To erase the scar,
That you left,
Or at least cover it up,
With new love.

And maybe you can’t,
Or maybe you will,
But I’m going to try,
And so are you.

Again.
This time.
For more.





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