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In My Mind

I hold my palms up to my ears,
and it feels as if I am dying.
All I hear is the roaring in my mind,
the waves of thoughts crashing against my skull.



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This article has 7 comments. Post your own!

leafyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 7:20 pm:
i like this, not only is it short but sweet, but because i can connect with the feeling. although i have to agree, the rhythm is lost in the last line. keep up the good work!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 8:52 pm :
Thank you!
 
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BrightBurningCampeadorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 10:31 pm:

I can't begin to count how many times I've felt like that! I love it!

There are some things I think could be improved. First, like sowhat said, I think the rythm is sort of lost with that last line. Maybe it could be something like "and waves crashing against my skull". And secondly I think the "I am" in the second line should be an "I'm". I'm not sure why, but it just sounds better to me.

 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 11:26 pm :
Thank you for the advice!
 
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sowhat said...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:25 am:
There was a rhythm in the first three lines but it was lost in the fourth. Over all though it is very good
 
flawless200This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 10:37 am :
I love this it is short and sweet and to the point. great!!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 4, 2011 at 12:33 pm :
Thank you both!
 
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