In My Mind

August 2, 2011
By Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments

I hold my palms up to my ears,
and it feels as if I am dying.
All I hear is the roaring in my mind,
the waves of thoughts crashing against my skull.


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This article has 7 comments.


on Aug. 13 2011 at 8:52 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thank you!

leafy said...
on Aug. 13 2011 at 7:20 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

i like this, not only is it short but sweet, but because i can connect with the feeling. although i have to agree, the rhythm is lost in the last line. keep up the good work!

on Aug. 4 2011 at 11:26 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thank you for the advice!

on Aug. 4 2011 at 10:31 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments

I can't begin to count how many times I've felt like that! I love it!

There are some things I think could be improved. First, like sowhat said, I think the rythm is sort of lost with that last line. Maybe it could be something like "and waves crashing against my skull". And secondly I think the "I am" in the second line should be an "I'm". I'm not sure why, but it just sounds better to me.


on Aug. 4 2011 at 12:33 pm
Raytheraym PLATINUM, Belton, Missouri
47 articles 35 photos 460 comments
Thank you both!

on Aug. 4 2011 at 10:37 am
JTboiiDrama PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
27 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is what it is

I love this it is short and sweet and to the point. great!!

sowhat BRONZE said...
on Aug. 4 2011 at 12:25 am
sowhat BRONZE, WESTLAKE VILLAGE, California
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
There was a rhythm in the first three lines but it was lost in the fourth. Over all though it is very good


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