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Each day, you’re wearing away
Your flesh and your fat; your mind and your soul
Pound by pound it rips away pigments of who you are
Days spent counting calories and fighting them off
Until you are only a body, nothing to suggest there is
A person cradled inside of those frail bones
And what person starves them self of all happiness
in search of happiness?
You wake up, and repeat the actions, like a skeleton set on autopilot
Food; trash, fingers; throat, body; sweat, eyes; cry
There is nothing left of you;
You are a disorder



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ChocoMint said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm
 I thought it was a little confusing for me personally.  It may just be because I've never had or known someone with a disorder.  I didn't like it as much as your other poems.
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Okay, thank you so much for the feedback! (:
 
FreedomIsMyVirtue said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 3:23 am
This poem is kinda similar to one of mine which is about consciousness in one's appearance.

Anyway, some lines are disturbingly long while some are not? I think they could use some work. Second, there is noe word such as themself. Rather, it is thmselves. Or at least I think so. But since this is a poem, grammar isn't that bad a monster.

And, oh, this is really a great poem!!!
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I didn't know about themself not being a word...thank you!

Since it's freeverse, I don't try to keep all the lines the same length, I prefer mine like this actually. But I do understand what your saying, many people may not enjoy reading it. Thank you for the helpful feedback(:

 
MagicMan2011 said...
Aug. 26, 2011 at 9:02 pm
This is really good. Personaly, I don't have a eating disorder but this really does show what it feels like to people who dont know. Great job!
 
Bambi67 said...
Aug. 26, 2011 at 12:04 pm
wow this is a perfect way of descriving an eating disorder without actually saying the exact words,I love it. PS...I don't see nothing wrong with it,check out mine thank you
 
casielynnxoxo said...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 4:35 pm
This is so true, it clarifies what eating disorders do to poeple so perfectly. This is my favorite of yours.
 
MagicMan2011 said...
Aug. 21, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Wow great job. I don't see anything wrong with it
 
DeusExMachina said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 7:39 pm
wow. just spectacular
 
HannSawyer15 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 11:59 am
Wow... a few of my friends struggle with anorexia actually the only thing I would change is your second line maybe change it too "pound by pount ripping away pigments of who you are" but obviously it's not that big of a deal... I really really liked this and I think you hit the nail right on the head. Good job!
 
PoetikMuzyk said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 11:34 am

wow 5/5 this really spoke to me it just amazes me that ppl go to great lengths in search of happiness when its been staring them in the face all this time

 

 
Zildj This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 2:23 am
The context of disorder makes this poignant. Cool idea. 
 
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 12:23 am
i'm not entirely sure but on line seven it might need to be "selves". this is a great topic and you shined light on such a terrible situation such as this. good job!
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 11:12 am
I contemplated that for a bit too but I ended up using self. Thanks!
 
LizzieBallerina said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 10:49 am
Beautifully written. I love the imagery, the message, everything. I can really see how the person is losing themselves and wearing away mentally and physically. Beautiful work, Elli.
 
-TheAftermath- replied...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 10:59 pm
I love the topic. I can totally relate because I have a friend, or shall I say had a friend, similar to this. Amazing.
 
HaleyDRog. said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 10:33 pm
I really like the message!
 
MissColleen said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 6:31 pm
This was so well written! I relate to it and it brought up a bubble of emotion. I love this, it was great. Very powerful.
 
Raytheraym said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Wow, wow! This is great! Very well written with wonderful emotion and meaningfulness. :)
 
ohheyyyelli replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Thankyou (:
 
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