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To feel the cold breeze
And wrap my arms
Around myself
For some warmth
Is what I want to do
But all I feel
Is the smoke
From the vehicles
On the road.





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beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Yeah! Awesome poem~ It's time we start taking better care of our earth.
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 7, 2011 at 2:41 am
Wow. I love the imagery in this poem. It was very well put together. Well done:)
 
Emily.L said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 1:07 pm
One of your best poems :) Keep writing!
 
Raytheraym said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 11:47 am
Very meaningful! Good job!
 
musicispassion said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 12:32 am
the world is so beautiful but so damaged bu it's inhabitants and we're all found guilty beautiful poem
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 3:49 am
Yes, I kind of feel guilty too. I hope it gets better... if only people would cooperate.
 
Robyn97 said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 11:46 am

This is really, really cool. I love the contrast between the good and the not-so-good.

If this is your first free-verse, it's really good. Especially for a first time. =)

 
BoosflashThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 2:55 pm
i do love this captain, and i do think its awesome how you got your inspiration. youre creative and it is that this is short and full of sweetness. fait ta danse.
 
hanging_girl_666 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 10:59 pm
I really liked it. I liked how you said it would wrap around you. 
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 1:51 am
Thanks but I was actually talking about my wrapping my arms around me for warmth because the breeze makes me cold. ;)

Thanks again and I'm glad you like it. :D
 
FeedTheBirds said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 1:53 pm
I feel like this poem could actually be about much more. It has a dark hint to it, like the  narrator just witnessed an accident or maybe smoke from his/her burned down house. And you don't necessarily have to change the poem itself to give it more "oomph" but just the title. Like renaming it "T-Boned" or "The sirens are still too far away". I really like the poem, but I just feel it could have more to stand on.
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 2:18 am
Thanks. I'll try that. :)
 
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