Crazy(?)

June 30, 2011
crazy
how do you view it?
hair a mess
eyes wild
twitching
mouth quivering?
or wide open, drooling?
moaning?
screaming?
yelling?

how about their surroundings?
white walls
padding on all sides
nurses
doctors
seringes
needles
long corridors
barred doors
smiling secretaries
and nothing-but-business consultants and guards

what about their state of mind?
jumbled
confused
or maybe in an anaesthesiatic comatose
blurred vision
blurred thinking
depression or manic agression on hold
parting powers with a mesmerizing state of drug-induced calm
zombified
not really even there
just a shadow of the misfit being that was outside the "assisted living" quarters

me?
i see a normal appearance
maybe a little on the attractive side.
calm demeanor
lazy eyes
normal smile
normal frown
normal voice
normal
normal
normal

i see a red room
big, gray bed
stereo speakers,
flat screen tv
window, looking out on a big ole yard
fenced in
brown carpet
white ceiling
decent sized closet
normal clothes
normal shoes
normal hats
normal
normal
normal

his state of mind, though
different story
untrusting
unsleeping
unwanted
unweeping
unappreciated
uncaring
unliked
unsharing
he fights
he loses
his lights
his bruises
show pain
unfading
the rain
unshading

he lays in that gray bed
with those red walls
white ceiling
all normal
normal
normal
himself,
a freak.
different,
but in a normal boys life
sheared from normality
but glued to reality
stuck the way he is
no way to change
hating what he is
his body normal, heart deranged

sad part is
he knows hes crazy
but crazy is only a state of mind
and as long as the mind stays in his head
nobody else will have to know
just his little secret
none to know

some wonder, how did the crazy get crazy?
how did normality part from reality
how did society's so normal structure reject this brick,
spitting it out into the world, with a warped sense of being?

some say, they just snap.
something in the brain has lain hidden, prowling, waiting
for that one, ecstatic moment to arise, to put to light that creeping emotion
whether it be rage,
thundering down on a helpless, misfortuned prey.
like a waterfall, an endless torrential downpour of unchecked anger
or maybe depression
like a weight, anchoring one to the sea floor.
miles below the forseeable surface
waiting
watching
wishing
that those sharks, those prowling fiends, would just end it.
just snap at that helpless, undrowning, unbreathing soul
or release it from its blue, watery prison

others say, theyre born crazy
flushed into this world a reject, though unknowing until later years
some chromosomal error, not to be seen until too late
some unfortunate mishap during that cosmic collision of the bodies
theyre born into the world seeming a normal child
found out later as a stark raving lunatic

perhaps to rob a bank

perhaps to shoot up a 7-11

perhaps to run a plane into a building

me?
i think its born environmentally
circumstances arrive that bring forth strong emotion
love
then lead to even stronger circumstance
falling in love
then lead, to the ultimate of crashes
heartbreak
then to cliffhangers
oh, maybe she still lov--
then to sudden realizations
it was all an act
then to hopefuls, a twinkle in the eyes of the mourning, a maybe or two?
maybe we can be friends.. maybe she will keep her other promises..
then, to the ultimate unveiling
cheating
lying
betting
hating
laughing
jeering
threats
beating
then, you look back at that awe striking, wonderful circumstance you held not so long ago.
and yes.
something snaps
yes.
maybe you were born this way
ugly
psycho
a misfit to true MANkind
more realization
self hatred
self loathing
self destruction

crazy?
not just talking to padded white walls
but maybe, to soft white pillows
not just zombified walks down white walls
but maybe, zombified walks down school halls
not just hair a mess, crazy eyed, twitching face
but maybe, everything straight, dressed up, and morning grace
maybe not shooting up a town
but possibly mouth tilting toward a frown
maybe not screaming of jihads and destroying iraq
but maybe whispers of baby come back
of please, dont leave
of whered you go?
of im sorrys and i wishs
and if i coulds and if i shoulds
of i dont knows and i dont cares

so as you can see, crazy comes in many forms
but lady, my former baby, if you see crazy
then you gotta think of me.





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