Life Fight

June 27, 2011
By JTboiiDrama PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
JTboiiDrama PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
27 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is what it is


Smile, frown turn around don't know what to do so you go downtown and you go to the bar and you have a couple drinks now your spitting up blood in the bathroom sink. Bars done and it wasn't much fun and when you look outside the clouds are covering the sun so you walk down the street and try to cover up the pain but instead you get soaked by the down pour of rain. Then you pass out in the middle of the street to be picked up minutes later by Illinois State Police. They throw you in jail, in a small holding cell and your face right now's looking bitterly pale. At half past ten a doctor comes in and tells you your life is coming to an end.In the middle of the night the doctors verdict proves right and another human being has lost the life fight.


The author's comments:
People go through days drinking and smoking and thinking nothing will happen. Well this poem tells you that their is some times an ultimate prices gets paid when you least expect it too

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This article has 17 comments.


lissa_ GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 8:21 pm
lissa_ GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
16 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."- Suckerpunch
"The purpose of life is to be a better version of yourself."- Lucy Hale

I really like this and the idea. The only thing I would say is to add maybe a few verses in the begining that says basically how much they get away with even though they're doing all these things wrong. Because it's not usually that easy and fast for someone to get caught and that way itll have more emotion and in the end people will feel more when he gets karma. good job!

on Aug. 8 2011 at 9:52 pm
WithPenAndScript DIAMOND, Venetia, Pennsylvania
72 articles 232 photos 252 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe that no matter who you are we all leave footprints on this Earth

Its a good poem, but its formatted in a way that loses the natual flow and hinders the full emotions from impacting the reader.

on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:56 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

This is my favorite poem of yours so far!!!!! I love the chantiness (If that's even a word)  Very good keep writing!!!!! :D

on Aug. 2 2011 at 2:58 pm
marissa87 BRONZE, Glenmoore, Pennsylvania
4 articles 3 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular

wow. deffinetley a tear jerker! this is realllllyyy good!! its like amazingg! i dont know how else to discribe it!

on Aug. 1 2011 at 3:37 pm
Studio_Riet GOLD, Tonasket, Washington
16 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Times you see, is a little arrangement that man has made for himself to try to measure the immeasurable mysteries of life." -Calypso to Ulysses (Bernard Evslin.)
"You don't have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body" - CS Lewis

Intence poem. It's kinda . . . In the rough, though. It's got a beat, it just neads to be formatted that way.

It's one of those poems that's kind of depresing, but so true that it's incredible.


on Aug. 1 2011 at 2:57 pm
HannSawyer15 BRONZE, North Brunswick, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I say... lets speak it. Lets fight it. Lets write it. There's nothing to hold on to if it's already gone."

Loved it. The only thing I would say is work on the formatting. But it was still really really good! Keep writing!

wasps said...
on Aug. 1 2011 at 2:07 pm
wasps, Other
0 articles 0 photos 153 comments
Oops sorry, that posted twice .. :)

wasps said...
on Aug. 1 2011 at 2:06 pm
wasps, Other
0 articles 0 photos 153 comments

Wow, I love this one, with so much meaning. It is good how you are like aware of this kinda stuff considering your age (yeah, like i can talk!) :)

On a more negative note, I just want to mention the lining (I have decided that that is what it is called) again.

As you can probs see from my comments (LOL, I told you that I would comment :D) and stuff that I love lining.

I think that if you did it, it would make your poems more powerful than they already are (and they are really powerful!) :)

Please write more poems :)


on Jul. 29 2011 at 3:17 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1985 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

huh, well-spoken! I like the meaning. I think you couldve added puncuation though

on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:28 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

thanks! I think I'm good though. That would be kind of hard, don't you think? But try to enter okay?!

on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:27 pm
JTboiiDrama PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
27 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is what it is

well im going to get offline I'll be back on tommorow i can see your reply then just  think about me helping you

on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:25 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

oops the site didn't take my post at first so i had to retype the entire thing... Little did I know it was going to post it a long time later grrrrrrr! TI infuriates me sometimes! Like how it has been 2 weeks and they still haven't put my poems up! I mean, what gives?!?!

on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:24 pm
JTboiiDrama PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
27 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is what it is

cool I can help you judge if you need

on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:23 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Well, i don't have any friends that are on the site with me. It's pretty sad really. 

But I'm going to be holding a contest soon. Enter a new poem in that and if you win i will do something special that will help you get views! I'm going to give you a secret in on the contest : It's going to be called personification poetry contest. Hope you enter.

Also, I just try to help as many people out as i can in hopes that they will return the favor. Do that maybe (if you don't already)!


on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:16 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

well, I don't really have any friends on the site that i can recommend you to. I'm alone in this hobby of mine! :) kind of sad though,really.

Ummm, I was planning on judging my own poetry contest (it'll be in the forums) really soon. So be looking for it! Whenever i post it enter a poem in it (maybe a new one if you can). then, if you win, then I have a special prize thing that could help you out in getting more views. Plus, I'm going to give you a secret in on the contest: It's going to be called "Personification Poetry Contest". Be thinking about it!

I just try to critique lots of people poetry because usually they'll be thankful i helped them, and they might return the favor. Try that. 


on Jul. 28 2011 at 8:10 pm
JTboiiDrama PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
27 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is what it is

thanks can you see if more people can give me some feedback

on Jul. 27 2011 at 5:37 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

I really like the meaning behind this poem! Great JOB! keep writing!


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