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The Same Sky

Somewhere,
in a different city,
I'm sitting,
under a midnight sky,
watching the cars drive by,

and you're where you should be,
looking at the same sky as me.



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This article has 19 comments. Post your own now!

Rissa02 said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Simple, but I really like this! It reminds me of when you travel somewhere new and think about what people are doing back home.
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Thanks! :)
 
betweenyouandi said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 7:05 pm
I read this a few times, it's not loaded with a lot of words. It still holds a bit of meaning though :)!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Thank you!
 
Eirias said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:07 am

Very good!

 

I'm not sure why you broke the stanzas up like you did. If it was for emphasis, how about you add a period after "by," and capitalize "and"?

 

Also, I would suggest "just where" and "looking up." I think it places a tad more emphasis, and the extra syllables help to close it out. Honesty, the first time I read it, I added those words subconsciously.

 

Keep it up!

 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Thanks for the comment and advice. :)
 
ohheyyyelli said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 10:27 am
I like the idea, its a nice thought. [:
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Thanks! :)
 
Alon_Freevoice said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:38 am
It's called Destiny :)
 
hanging_girl_666This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:04 am
Very good. Well written.
 
Raytheraym replied...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 12:33 am
Thanks! :D
 
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 11:42 pm
I love this. I often think the same exact thing. How everyone is different, yet we gaze at the same moon every night. It makes you feel a connection with every person on all continents of the Earth. It's a beautiful thing. What would happen if our world were like other planets that had several moons, and people in different parts of the world looked at a different moon? That would be weird! Just a thought! Good job!
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 11:48 pm
Thanks! :)
 
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I feel this way too about a certain someone. Only thing is, we don't live in the same city! (That's going to change, though!)
 
ritabelle511 said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I like this poem a lot! So short and simple, yet it says so much :)
 
Raytheraym replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Thanks! :)
 
Anagam said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 9:24 am

That's crazy! How people are so far away from each other but yet they share the sky.

I love this poem because I can relate.

5/5*

If you can please check out my work. Thanks.

 
Raytheraym replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Thank you! Sure, I'll check yours out.
 
Anagam replied...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm
You are welcom and thanks :)))
 
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