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A Hundred Daggers

June 26, 2011
By Anonymous

You came to me in the guise of a fallen angel
But little did I know that your perfect snowy wings concealed
The cruel talons of a demon straight from hell and you
Plucked out my eyes and my heart and
Threw them back at me in the coarse darkness of that street,
That night,
You and your soft words slowly eating me from inside like I had
Swallowed a hundred daggers for your love
What didn’t you give me? You and your
Cruel paper lips and your cold hellish soul
But it was all an illusion created by this vast, barbaric universe
So now I curl up in my own prison
As mascara cuts cruel spiderwebs in my sallow unhealthy cheeks and
I whisper so silently to myself and my heart and the coarse darkness
Of it all, this unfairness, this cruelty –
Damning your talons, damning your perfect snowy wings
Retreating still into unfeeling night.

© Anonymous

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 23 comments.

alex198 said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 8:36 am
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments
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Wow! I love this! I know I've promised detailed critique but that is so much harder when I don't have any criticism to give! Your descriptions are just hauntingly beautiful: "You and your soft words slowly eating me from inside like I had swallowed a thousand daggers for your love", "Cruel paper lips", "mascara cuts cruel spider webs", these are all such vivid images. I especially love your use of alliteration with the words "cut" and "cruel". The harsh sound of the "c"s really brings out the emotion and the tone of the poem. I really don't know what else to say. This was just so good! Well done! :D
emanmkhan SILVER said...
on Jul. 27 2011 at 1:31 pm
emanmkhan SILVER, Austin, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.\" Maya Angelou

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Yes, I really did like it. And thank you so much for commenting on my work. Your constructive comments helped a lot :D
emanmkhan SILVER said...
on Jul. 18 2011 at 6:31 pm
emanmkhan SILVER, Austin, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.\" Maya Angelou

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This is amazing! The imagery is so vivid...wow, I can see the "perfect snowy wings", I can almost feel the "cruel talons of a demon" graze my skin, I can just barely hear the "soft words slowly eating me from inside", and I definetely feel myself "curl up in my own prison." I am definetely marking this as my favorite. Hope this gets published in the magazine!!! :D
Princess Momo said...
on Jul. 18 2011 at 2:31 pm
Vivid imagery and deep, I am so glad I visited your page! Also, how eerie: I wrote a very similar description of mascara streaks in one of my poems at home... Writers' minds think alike, Jad! xoxo
firenrain GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 2:33 pm
firenrain GOLD, Belle Mead, New Jersey
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great job, thought that the picture went well with the poem as well :)

can you check out some of my work? thanks.

 

TheHangingGirl BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 2:03 pm
TheHangingGirl BRONZE, Winter Haven, Florida
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 LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I soooo wish i could write like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 13 2011 at 6:26 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
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Very dark, beautifully worded. I'm afraid it's not a particular poem that I like, but I recognize much talent and beauty in it. Your imagery is very vivid.
pencilsFORhands SILVER said...
on Jul. 12 2011 at 2:33 pm
pencilsFORhands SILVER, Boston, Massachusetts
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my personal fav :D dark and creepy and mad good
Writomania PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 11 2011 at 8:29 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
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 Oh. Cr.ap.

Picked up twilight by accident.

Vampires burying their canines into the soft flesh of human teenagers.. werewolves running all over the place, baring fangs dripping with saliva and whatnot.

I'M NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN.

Writomania PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 9 2011 at 5:03 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

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Wow. You just made me imagine a monster plucking an eyeball out from the socket of a little girl; daggers emerging bloody out of stomachs... intestines and kidneys flying everywhere..

Thanks for the nightmares i'm about to get now :P

Writomania PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 9 2011 at 4:55 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

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yeah lol.. it was a hell lot of melodrama up there.. But it did make me imagine a couple of eyes getting pulled out of sockets and daggers emerging, dripping blood, from the stomachs of innocent little girls... THANK YOU for the nightmares i'm about to get now :P

 

Silent_Artist SILVER said...
on Jul. 8 2011 at 5:45 pm
Silent_Artist SILVER, Selma, North Carolina
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Wow! This was really, REALLY good!