A Hundred Daggers

June 26, 2011
By StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi


You came to me in the guise of a fallen angel
But little did I know that your perfect snowy wings concealed
The cruel talons of a demon straight from hell and you
Plucked out my eyes and my heart and
Threw them back at me in the coarse darkness of that street,
That night,
You and your soft words slowly eating me from inside like I had
Swallowed a hundred daggers for your love
What didn’t you give me? You and your
Cruel paper lips and your cold hellish soul
But it was all an illusion created by this vast, barbaric universe
So now I curl up in my own prison
As mascara cuts cruel spiderwebs in my sallow unhealthy cheeks and
I whisper so silently to myself and my heart and the coarse darkness
Of it all, this unfairness, this cruelty –
Damning your talons, damning your perfect snowy wings
Retreating still into unfeeling night.



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This article has 23 comments.


on Aug. 14 2011 at 11:19 am
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Thank you!! I really appreciate your feedback. :)

alex198 said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 8:36 am
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments
Wow! I love this! I know I've promised detailed critique but that is so much harder when I don't have any criticism to give! Your descriptions are just hauntingly beautiful: "You and your soft words slowly eating me from inside like I had swallowed a thousand daggers for your love", "Cruel paper lips", "mascara cuts cruel spider webs", these are all such vivid images. I especially love your use of alliteration with the words "cut" and "cruel". The harsh sound of the "c"s really brings out the emotion and the tone of the poem. I really don't know what else to say. This was just so good! Well done! :D

on Jul. 27 2011 at 1:31 pm
emanmkhan SILVER, Austin, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.\" Maya Angelou

Yes, I really did like it. And thank you so much for commenting on my work. Your constructive comments helped a lot :D

on Jul. 18 2011 at 6:53 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Wow!! Thank you so much!! :D I'm really glad you liked it, and I'll read some of your stuff, too, OK?

on Jul. 18 2011 at 6:31 pm
emanmkhan SILVER, Austin, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.\" Maya Angelou

This is amazing! The imagery is so vivid...wow, I can see the "perfect snowy wings", I can almost feel the "cruel talons of a demon" graze my skin, I can just barely hear the "soft words slowly eating me from inside", and I definetely feel myself "curl up in my own prison." I am definetely marking this as my favorite. Hope this gets published in the magazine!!! :D

on Jul. 18 2011 at 3:05 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Thank you much, Momo! :)

on Jul. 18 2011 at 2:31 pm
Vivid imagery and deep, I am so glad I visited your page! Also, how eerie: I wrote a very similar description of mascara streaks in one of my poems at home... Writers' minds think alike, Jad! xoxo

on Jul. 17 2011 at 5:44 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Wow, thank you! I'm very glad you like it. :)

on Jul. 17 2011 at 5:44 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

I'd love to! :)

firenrain GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 2:33 pm
firenrain GOLD, Belle Mead, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A room without books is like a body without a soul."

- Cicero

Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC - 43 BC)

great job, thought that the picture went well with the poem as well :)

can you check out some of my work? thanks.

 


on Jul. 17 2011 at 2:03 pm
TheHangingGirl BRONZE, Winter Haven, Florida
1 article 1 photo 250 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Poets utter great and wise things that they themselves can not comprehend."

 LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I soooo wish i could write like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Jul. 13 2011 at 6:40 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Well, it's not my favourite poem of mine. Bit too angsty... but thank you! :)

on Jul. 13 2011 at 6:26 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2216 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

Very dark, beautifully worded. I'm afraid it's not a particular poem that I like, but I recognize much talent and beauty in it. Your imagery is very vivid.

on Jul. 12 2011 at 5:23 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Wow, thanks! :)

on Jul. 12 2011 at 2:33 pm
pencilsFORhands SILVER, Boston, Massachusetts
8 articles 10 photos 86 comments
my personal fav :D dark and creepy and mad good

on Jul. 11 2011 at 12:31 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Ehm... I don't think "Twilight" qualifies as "something happy" anyway... :| I'm just going to go write a bouncy little limerick now about puppies and sunshiney meadows.

on Jul. 11 2011 at 8:29 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

 Oh. Cr.ap.

Picked up twilight by accident.

Vampires burying their canines into the soft flesh of human teenagers.. werewolves running all over the place, baring fangs dripping with saliva and whatnot.

I'M NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN.


on Jul. 9 2011 at 1:05 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Agh! Sorry... like I said, it's meant to parody overly angsty melodrama... quick! Read something happy!! O_O

on Jul. 9 2011 at 1:04 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Ehh... sorry... like I said, it's meant to parody over-angsty melodrama... quick! Read something happy!! O_O

on Jul. 9 2011 at 5:03 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Wow. You just made me imagine a monster plucking an eyeball out from the socket of a little girl; daggers emerging bloody out of stomachs... intestines and kidneys flying everywhere..

Thanks for the nightmares i'm about to get now :P



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