A Hundred Daggers

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
You came to me in the guise of a fallen angel
But little did I know that your perfect snowy wings concealed
The cruel talons of a demon straight from hell and you
Plucked out my eyes and my heart and
Threw them back at me in the coarse darkness of that street,
That night,
You and your soft words slowly eating me from inside like I had
Swallowed a hundred daggers for your love
What didn’t you give me? You and your
Cruel paper lips and your cold hellish soul
But it was all an illusion created by this vast, barbaric universe
So now I curl up in my own prison
As mascara cuts cruel spiderwebs in my sallow unhealthy cheeks and
I whisper so silently to myself and my heart and the coarse darkness
Of it all, this unfairness, this cruelty –
Damning your talons, damning your perfect snowy wings
Retreating still into unfeeling night.





Join the Discussion

This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

alex198 said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 8:36 am
Wow! I love this! I know I've promised detailed critique but that is so much harder when I don't have any criticism to give! Your descriptions are just hauntingly beautiful: "You and your soft words slowly eating me from inside like I had swallowed a thousand daggers for your love", "Cruel paper lips", "mascara cuts cruel spider webs", these are all such vivid images. I especially love your use of alliteration with the words "cut" and "cruel". The harsh sound of the "c"s really brings out the em... (more »)
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 11:19 am
Thank you!! I really appreciate your feedback. :)
 
emanmkhan said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 6:31 pm
This is amazing! The imagery is so vivid...wow, I can see the "perfect snowy wings", I can almost feel the "cruel talons of a demon" graze my skin, I can just barely hear the "soft words slowly eating me from inside", and I definetely feel myself "curl up in my own prison." I am definetely marking this as my favorite. Hope this gets published in the magazine!!! :D
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Wow!! Thank you so much!! :D I'm really glad you liked it, and I'll read some of your stuff, too, OK?
 
emanmkhan replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Yes, I really did like it. And thank you so much for commenting on my work. Your constructive comments helped a lot :D
 
Princess Momo said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Vivid imagery and deep, I am so glad I visited your page! Also, how eerie: I wrote a very similar description of mascara streaks in one of my poems at home... Writers' minds think alike, Jad! xoxo
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Thank you much, Momo! :)
 
booklover04 said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 2:33 pm

great job, thought that the picture went well with the poem as well :)

can you check out some of my work? thanks.

 

 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 5:44 pm
I'd love to! :)
 
hanging_girl_666 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 2:03 pm
 LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I soooo wish i could write like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Wow, thank you! I'm very glad you like it. :)
 
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Very dark, beautifully worded. I'm afraid it's not a particular poem that I like, but I recognize much talent and beauty in it. Your imagery is very vivid.
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Well, it's not my favourite poem of mine. Bit too angsty... but thank you! :)
 
pencilsFORhands This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 2:33 pm
my personal fav :D dark and creepy and mad good
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Wow, thanks! :)
 
Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 4:55 am

yeah lol.. it was a hell lot of melodrama up there.. But it did make me imagine a couple of eyes getting pulled out of sockets and daggers emerging, dripping blood, from the stomachs of innocent little girls... THANK YOU for the nightmares i'm about to get now :P

 

 
Silent_Artist said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Wow! This was really, REALLY good!
 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Well, I hate to break it to you, but this was sort of a parody of melodramatic writing... :\ Ehh. Anyway. I'm really glad you liked it! :)
 
Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 5:03 am

Wow. You just made me imagine a monster plucking an eyeball out from the socket of a little girl; daggers emerging bloody out of stomachs... intestines and kidneys flying everywhere..

Thanks for the nightmares i'm about to get now :P

 
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Ehh... sorry... like I said, it's meant to parody over-angsty melodrama... quick! Read something happy!! O_O
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback