Vines

you wrap around my
mind
like a vine
your all I can
think about
now your with
someone else
that's what hurts
the most





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This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

TheSilverLaurel said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm
this is brilliant. I like how it's short, so its not like pages, and its to the point. The metaphor is amazing, great comparison :) 5 stars
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm
thank u again:P
 
Tink1350 said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:13 pm
this is great. good job.
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:14 pm
thanks i like your avatar pic :P
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 6:02 pm
ahahahahah
 
qui133 said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 12:31 pm
ouch! another looming aspect of life and love effortlessly captured...well done, well done. :)
 
OfTheUnknown replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:00 pm

this is fantastic... I see the way it involved you-know-who lol on my way to look at visions lol

 

 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:04 pm
thanks i know i'm probably being over dramatic
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:14 pm
i like ur avatar pic
 
qui133 replied...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 9:00 pm
whoa! speaking of avatars, i know that bear! but from where.../;p
 
MidnightFire said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 10:40 am
nice :) i think its good that you stay on track and don't add any unnecessary background.
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm
thank you what do u mean by unnescessary background
 
MidnightFire replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:16 pm
like how you met them or something like that
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 7:07 pm
o gotcha !!!
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Like Garnet77 said, it's short and to the point.  You used the wrong 'your' again, though.  It should be 'you're.'

Other than that, I think it's great!

 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 11:06 pm
thank u and i'll work on that i promise :P
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 9:31 pm
I like that this is so short and to the point. It revolves around that one emotion, yet it also seems conflicting at the same time. It's great how you were able to do that in so few lines. Good job! Though fixing the 'your' thing would make it perfect :)
 
musicispassion replied...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 10:41 pm
i know i write it so fast that I don't pay attentiton sorry and thanks i'll take your advice
 
Alon_Freevoice said...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 4:42 am
Uh-oh.

You used your instead of you're. If you want to improve, take notes of your mistakes and make sure you don't do the same mistakes over and over again.

By the way, this is another good short poem that you made.

Keep writing... :) Even though you always have that mistake, I believe you will one day be able to get rid of it. :)
 
CrossMyHeartAndHopeToLie replied...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 10:03 am
This is quite a good poem. Try and work on your grammar though it is a little lacking. I see some great potential in your work so keep up the good work. :)
 
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